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my mom and i are not getting along and it's all my fault
Iam 19 years old and about 2 weeks ago i ran away becouse i got mad at my mom and now iam not even staying at my mom's house anymore i've been staying at my cousins hosue so i can get a break from being around my mom to give us time apart from each other. I also have other problems ever since i've been hanging around my sister snd her gay girlfriend i havn't been acting myself lately i've been doing things that i wouldn't normally do like a few days after i had turned 19 i was curious about what my sister liked about having sex with girls and so my sister let me have sex with her girfriend and then awhile ago i got drunk and before i started hanging out with her i wouldn't do things like that and i love my sister and i don't want to stop hanging out with her becouse i don't want to hurt her feelings what should i do?
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Do what you want to do. If you view things like having sex with girls and drinking as bad things - don't do them. If you like doing them - do them. A lot of times when people reach a certain point in their life (i.e. leaving your parents house, turning 18, moving to a new city) they feel (or create) an urge to do new or different things. Unless your sister is forcing you to do those things then you're just using that connection as a means to justify your actions. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to drink, have sex -or anything- to be around them. Decide your own values and act on them.
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First you need to find out why you're behavior is changing. Perhaps it's just a stage of experimentation and you are ready to move on. Perhaps it's that you are scared of something and acting out. No one can answer that except you. You don't have to give your sister a reason beyond the old stand by of "I need some time to myself" and let that be it. It's kind of weird that your sister let you have sex with her GF. That's just strange. Being mad at your mom is normal. You are 19 and feel you are an adult and probably want to spread your wings a little and that's okay too. Just be sure to try and keep a relationship with your mother if you think it's something you want. I miss my mama everyday and I know I'll never get another day with her but I also know that no amount of time would be enough so cherish the time you do have.
Get a notebook and get somewhere quiet with just yourself--even if you have to check into a motel for the night and just start writing your emotions and feelings down. The order doesn't matter just write what you think of even if it's just random words. In a couple of days go back and re-read what you wrote and see if it helps you clear your mind and get your goals set for yourself. Then firmly set your goals in your mind and accomplish them.
Be assured that almost everyone goes through a stage of doing things completely out of character from time to time. It's normal and it's what you do when you come out of it that matters.
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