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Its me Again...=S
Hi, you helped me alot last time I asked you a question, and I need some more advice. I just saw my father again, he came to pick up the rest of his stuff, and he didnt say anything he just took all his stuff, gave me a hug goodbye crying and left. I feel so at fault for his depression. If maybe I call him regularly just to see how he is doing maybe he will be a little happy and consider going to a phychiatrist or something. He has been saying he wants to die and if I found out my father had past I would feel part at blame because maybe if I try to help him and make him happy heèll die happy instead instead of depressed. I know this is not my battle and its between my parents but my mother is constantly crying now too. I don't get it i thought she was happy. I'm sorry, I don't know what the point in this question is I just feel better when I get someones opinion that doesnt know me, because I know what you have to say is just logic because you don't personally know my family. Whatever you have to say, will be fine. Thank You in advance.
P.S...any ideas for what i should do for fathers day?!?!?!?!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I am happy to give you a fresh outlook on your family situation. Thank you for writing to me again!
As you stated, I do not know you or your family so if something here does not apply... just read between the lines and try to make something that fits your situation.
I certainly think that calling Dad on a regular basis is a good thing. Don't necessarily expect anything in return or for him to call you as often as you call him, but calling him regularly to let him know you care how his day/week has gone, tell him you love him, perhaps set up little hour long coffee dates or something is a fantastic idea; especially given his emotional/psychological state. It might be just what he needs to get through this rough spot. I do NOT, however, suggest you focus on him "dying happy" because of your calls and other attention. I understand your feelings about having your father die. I never had a mom; my grandma took that spot and she died 3 1/2 years ago. It was devastating. This is never something we want to face, especially at such a young age. So, I recommend you focus on making happy calls, happy arrangements with Dad. Go miniature golfing or bowling sometime. Meet up for breakfast at McD's before work, etc. It is not necessarily about spending hours and hours with him, but if he has an hour here and there to look forward to seeing his "baby", it could make all the difference. One other passing thought I just had is to schedule next weeks event before you part for the day. Ask "you promise you'll meet me at the bowling alley next Saturday?" This could help to guilt him into realizing he has made a promise and MUST meet with you next week... he may be less inclined to "do something" to get out of it.
You thought Mom was happy and are now finding out she is not. Sounds like she could use a real talk. Maybe try to catch her when she is doing something busy, but not a really trying task. What I mean by that is, when she is doing the laundry or the dishes, or cleaning out a closet or something, washing the car, etc. These are tasks that keep your hands and eyes focused on something but you basically can remain in the same location allowing for a good conversation. Many times, people open up more if they are doing something that allows them to feel as if they are fidgeting, and they don't have to make eye contact. This would be a great time to mention that you notice she seems down lately and you would love to discuss it with her. Perhaps open up to her first by letting her know how worried you are and thus sad, and you would like to just have an "open up our hearts and cry" session. Most women love this. It gets it all out and makes you feel so much better. (This tends to be a girl thing and probably wouldn't go over well with Dad!)
Father's Day- If your dad is a sentimental sort, this is simple. If not... could require a bit more thought. If he likes mushy stuff I would suggest some sort of collage frame of pictures of you two together or perhaps even a scrapbook of you, Dad, and your sister from past and present. Be thoughtful and creative with this project. I made one for my sister-in-law for her high school graduation and inside it I had baby pictures of her, her hospital bracelet from birth. When she was 9 she swallowed a pointed metal object on Christmas Eve and had to spend time in the emergency room and do all sorts of things to make sure there were no serious adverse issues. Given this was nearly a decade ago, it is now kind of funny to remember so I found one of the objects she swallowed, I was given her discharge papers from when she was released, her hospital bracelet, etc. and made this a page or two. There were tons of other photographs I put in. I even put in things like a popsickle stick that for some reason was saved from a concert she went to. This can bring back awesome memories.
If your dad is a sentimental type, I think something like a collage frame or scrapbook would be better than just taking him out to dinner... or you could take him out to eat and present him with it, whatever fits best. It just shows you put a lot of thought and effort in to making him happy and showing how much you love him.
My dad is kind of a man's man... meaning he would never admit to having any kind of emotion other than manly emotions. He's tough. Nothing can bother him. So, I bought him a really soft, stuffed moose to hug if he was ever behind closed doors and needed some comforting. You know he makes his bed every day and besides his pillow, that moose decorates his bed and he has kept it there for about 13 years. It was so unexpected but the idea behind it was so touching to him that he has always treasured it.
I don't know if any of this helps. Just remember for both Mom and Dad that communication is the number one most important thing in any relationship. It can be scary to bring some topics up but once worries/concerns are voiced, somehow everything seems to get better. You now present a united force and no one has to play a guessing game of how a person feels and what others can do to help them.
Good luck with this. I wish you and your family the best.
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