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confusedddd! sorry its kind of long!
So I had a boyfriend, that i was extremely good friends wtih when i met him last august, well we talked alot and i always went to bed with a smile on my face after our conversations. He asked me out in the beggining of november and i couldnt have been more happier, it was the time i was happiest. he dumped me mid march because hes moving soon and didnt know if he wanted a girlfriend still. so he was known as the goofy player type. and i thought i had changed him from that, but the day after he broke up with me, he went back to his playerish self and was all over girls. now when he broke up wtih me over the phone, he told me he still wanted to be friends. now i see him at dances and gatherings like that, and its so awkward because he is all over everyone, and it hurts. the day after he broke up with me when i saw him, it was an awkward hi and hug, and my friends werent being that nice to him so i felt really bad. but i talked to him at it and he even got a bit teary eyed, but i didnt know if he actually cared or not. parts of me think he did and parts of me think he just wanted to make me feel better. well the day after that, i called him to make sure he was okay and he said yeah and that the question was if i was okay, and i said im alright, and im like i guess, i just felt really bad about how people were acting. well now its a month later, we had a dance, he was with this one girl and his one guy friend knew how i was feeling and told him later that night, so then my ex apologized and said he heard i had looked dissappointed and said he shouldn't have done that and asked if i was okay, and i told him he can do what he wants because i have no control over that, and i just dont move on as fast as others, especially because this is my first relationship. i saw him saturday, we hugged and said hi then when we were leaving he said bye and lifted me up, but i dont know. he was even trying to flirt, dance, and kiss my friends? im like oh thanks. i miss the friendship we had, and i feel like whenever we talk its awkward, or i have NO CLUE what to say. and i just want the friendship to be how it used to be more than ever. I feel like i have no time because hes moving in june or july. i feel like the more i cared the more i made it worse and the more pain i caused myeslf. people tell me i deserve better, but they don't know what i saw in him when i went out with him, it was when i was the happiest, if anyone could tell me what i should do, or how i should feel, it'd be really apreciated, i apologize for the length of this! lol
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First let me say, I am sorry that you are feeling pain and that you are hurting. I am sorry that he has no respect for your feelings being that he INTENTIONALLY gets up on people in front on you. Don't lower your values or morals by playing the "get back at him game". Be more mature than that.
Secondly, I commend you for acknowledging your pain, instead of keeping it on the inside - "Pressure burst pipes". Remember this, please: Before anyone can heal it requires 3 things: acknowledgement, acceptance, and admitting how you are feeling. Once this has been accomplished, it takes time to deal with self & will power to move forward. I always recommend reading, writing, singing, enjoying different types of music & new activities in an effort of occupying your mind & time so that you can heal faster and put attention elsewhere to empower and better yourself. Love is joy,pain,tears,sunshine,and rain. This isn't the last relationship that you will have and it's not the last time you will feel hurt.
It is good not to move on as fast as he has and to take time and look at what it is that YOU want out of your next relationship. Don't compare this one to the next one. In time the hurt will go away and you will be happy again - as it goes away, find happiness in YOU and don't expect the person you are dating to be soley responsible of making you happy. That's a really high demand & expectation to place on someone. It's also not fair. It's on them to help keep you happy once you are happy in self first.
Demand yourself to make yourself happy and do what it takes to put a smile on your face everyday. Smile because the sun is shining. Smile because you feel a little better each day. Smile because you have bright future ahead of you!
Also, you said something that concerns me: it's the part about you changing him... never try to change anyone and know that people DO NOT change unless they want to change. Support, encourage and help with change when asked but don't go into a relationship or even a friendship with the mind set that you have the ability to change someone.
How should you feel? There's no rule to determine how you should feel. Feelings are something that you control. It's yours and how you should feel is how you want to feel. I do understand how you feel b/c I have been there too. I hurt, cried and took my break up really hard.
I became stronger and with every tear dropped. I wiped them and made it a point to learn from those experiences. Notice I say experiences - which means it's happened more than once. "smile" so with each one it gets a little easier and you will be prepared to deal with it - until the day comes that you meet your husband, dearheart. & Even then there will still be some tears and hurt, it's a part of life, but by then you will be giving someone else advice on how to move on and find themselves. Keep your head up young lady and be strong.
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i disagree wit dat answer i understand how u feel because i'v felt that way before everyone was tellin me move on forget about him but how since we used to be close well talk to him tell him you just things to go baq to the way they were before you guys commenced into the relationship. That way he'll know you want to stay friends with him, sounds to me like he kinda still cares how you feel about things apologizing and what not about the way he acts. Go on, give it a try you'll never know how he really feels if you dont get it out of your mind. Who knows? maybe he's hiding behind his player games because he doesnt admit he lost somthing really good for him and so he wants to get it with alot of other girls. It is true you are the only one who can decide what makes you happy. Yes you were the happiest you've ever been with him but you should feel like he lost somrthing good for him and he knows it.
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i think that you are young and that this is an important thing for you to experience. im sure that it is very difficult to have an ex be awkward and have a lost friendship because of a relationship. but maybe his moving away will be good for you. it will give you time to develop yourself as a person and learn an important lesson about happiness. true happiness, like the long lasting kind, can only come from you. you are the only person who can decide to be happy. so do yourself a favor and stop worrying so much about him. you guys will be fine, if you stop caring about what he thinks or feels and just worry about yourself then life will be much more fulfilling.
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