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Is he no longer interested in me?
I have been involved with my x-husband for 17 years now. We were married for 5 years and have been divorced for 2 years now. He has become so distant, and boring. We don't talk anymore, or do anything anymore and everytime I try to talk to him about our future he changes the subject. We used to talk about everything all the time. We were best friends. He doesn't answer any of my emails from work anymore. He doesn't call me on his lunch or breaks anymore. The only thing he wants to do when we have free time is sleep. Everytime I ask what he would like to do, he responds saying whatever you want to do, or whatever you want to eat. He asked me to remarry him 10 months ago, but I said No, I needed time. Now when I try to discuss the subject, he completly ignores me. Is this relationship over? When we aren't at work, we are always together so I don't think he is seeing anyone else. He has in the past, but I don't think he does it now. Does he not want me anymore. He shows differently than he speaks. What should I do? How should I address or approach it?
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It has been said before and I shall say it again: "Actions speak louder than words." So no matter what he may say, how he acts is the main thing to pay attention to here. From a psychological standpoint his Bx (behavior) suggests that he depressed. This could be chemical or mental, or a nice meshing of the two. What his Bx also says, however is that he has grown bored with life, not just you. From what you describe he seems to have no zealous for anything.
In general, I recommend he see a therapist, one or two sessions, just enough to decipher if this Bx is from your relationship or his mental state, as this sort of Bx can be signs of serious depression or other mental problems. I would not declare the relationship over until you find out what is eating him.
***HOWEVER ***
If he refuses to go see someone about this, to see if he is depressed or what have you, then the relationship should probably end, as the only outcome would be that he would, more likely than not, drag you down with him.
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If I may be frank... this relationship is over. It's flat on it's back, hooked up to life support, waiting for somebody to pull the plug. It seems to me that he wants to get out, but doesn't want to actually stand up and do it. He's waiting for you to make the move. That's why he's boring you to death.
Life is too short to spend it with someone who bores the heck out of you. You definitely don't need someone who lacks the intestinal fortitude to take a decisive action and live with it.
Hope this helps.
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Hmm, let's see. From your writing I get the impression that this person is a guy, not a man and struggling with that. Seems he wants to commit at times, but mostly does not. Committing is a way of life, not just what you do with one person. I would guess he has doubts about himself, as we all do, but his seem more overwhelming to him.
Do you know the term, "Making peace with God"? Well, I see that as accepting your lot in life and floating down the stream of life, instead of fighting the current. Years ago I accepted that if my only importances in life were to be a good father and husband, I would except that. You know, what it all comes down to, (and this is not a commercial), what do you want to see on your tombstone? If mine reads, he was a good father and husband, I will smile as I read it.
I know in many ways I have not given you answers here, but this is your life, you must decide his merits, but I hope I have given you some insight.
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i am only nineteen, so i know i have a lot to learn. but maybe he is depressed, and going thru a mid life crisis. he probably needs you y his side, my advice is just don't lose faith in the idea of you two. one person in the relationship has always got to be trying to make it work. it's your time to pick up the slack, stay positive, and just be there for him. i'm sorry if i didn't help. i tried.
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