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avoiding an argument with my mother
I have been trying to keep as calm as possible .I think I have a lot of self-control for a person who is so angry. All I want to do is sit in a corner and cry. My mother and I have always, generally, had a very good relationship. She and I have been the best of friends always. But now, it seems as if she is my worst enemy. I am seventeen right now, and I believe that at seventeen, this should not be happening, or at least, start happening. I understand that these types of conflicts happen with parents and teenagers, but I assumed this happened at a younger age, and that I was home free. Usually, by seventeen, I thought things started to get better for teens and their parents. Well, it’s definitely not that way in this case.
My mother is a single mother. I live with her and my grandparents. I am an only child, so I feel as if I am quite suffocated. The only reason I have not gotten my license is because I have not had time. But if I did, I definitely would not be home as much as I am right now. These are not the types of conflicts you are imagining. There is no door-slamming, and constant fighting, throwing things across the room. I think this is partly because I have learned to deal with the beast. I don’t show her I am angry because I don’t want to give her the pleasure. She is jealous of my self-control. This I know for a fact. The calmer I act, the more arguments she tries to have with me. I am not witty, nor am I disrespectful, but she definitely is. I am a teenager right now, and I definitely don’t need a teenage daughter. She is the one who comes up to me looking for an argument, and screams at me for no reason. She gets vases and throws them across the house for no reason at all. She slams doors and curses throughout our home.
Being it that I am a concerned person, I worry for the sake of my grandparents. This is their home, and they were nice enough to let us live here. She has no right to be throwing their ornaments throughout the house and slamming doors. I don’t like to argue with her in front of my grandmother. This is why I try so hard. I really try. I want to avoid arguments with her at all cost because I know it is not my place to act like a spoiled brat at my grandparent’s house. I would get my car and leave to avoid her, but I can’t. I will be able to soon, but until then, I need a way to handle her and her mood swings. She is like this and refuses to do anything about it. Please let me know how I can avoid this. I really depend on her for a lot still. I depend on her to take me to school, to the gym, and everywhere else. So, I can’t cut her out of my life completely. I just need to find a way for her to leave me alone. I spend my time looking at apartments and real estate online, because I can’t wait to leave this house! I don’t know if you would say I am selfish, but I don’t think I am. I think I am just frustrated.
Thank you in advance
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Try talking to your grandparents about the problem. Or if you have a aunt or uncle, or any other family member who knows your mother well and whose opinion you can respect.
You cannot change your mother, and avoiding her anymore then you already are is probably impossible. The better thing to try and do and understand why she is doing this, what has changed, and to try to sympathize.
Ask your family members if this behavior has happened before. It seems new to you, but as they have known her much longer, they might see a pattern.
Ask them what brought it on, either before or what they think caused it now?.
Ask them to speak to your mother if they are concerned about her mental health. It’s not really your place to do this, but encouraging others and letting them know what you are seeing might help.
Most importantly: Ask what you can do differently.
I can only applaud you for maintaining self-control and refusing to fight, but that is only one part of the perfect approach to family conflict. Now that you mastered controlling your negative feelings, you need to use all that strength and focus to call on your positive ones. Empathize with your mothers struggles. Try to see things from her perspective. ALWAYS thank her for what she does for you. Let her know when you are having a good time with her. Talk to her about your fond memories of your time together and how much you value her.
Most importantly: Ask her what you can do differently.
The trouble with being very good at staying calm and that the other person gets the idea you don't give a rat’s ass about them, and you do care about your mother right? Despite all your anger, you do care a bit? To make your approach truly perfect, you need to empathize, respect and let your mom know you still value her.
You don't just turn off the negative feelings. You channel the positive ones.
You also ask what you can do differently. Some her suggestions might be useless to you, but listen to them very seriously anyways and try to make reasonable changes for the comfort of someone you care about and live with. As you know, you won’t live with her forever, or even very much longer. Value the time you have togeather. Value her. Be the adult if you need to be. In the end, you'll feel better about it if you can say that not only did you do everytihng you could, you loved her regardless.
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Have u tried talking to her, she probably has something depressing on her mind. I wouldn't worry keep being calm, but before she starts fighting with you ask her what's been going on in her life, there's probably something that's bothering her if not, try to get a car soon -help
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