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Can't Orgasm
Ok, so here's my situation. One of my friends and I have been fooling around for a while now (about 5 months now). She's fully able to have sex and all that, but the problem is that she wont relax enough or let herself go enough to actually have an orgasm. She's been like this all her life. I can get her close, but when it starts to get too close I guess she realizes the situation and either A) loses the feeling, or if she's really close B) Pulls off me. It's not intentional that she does this, her body just convulses because of the shock and ends up with no climax. So far we've tried a few things. I'm getting her to do kegal excersizes, and we've gotten muscle relaxants (the muscle relaxants actually worked really well considering she had her period at the time, but her legs gave out and she fell down >_>). Anyways, any advice would be appreciated. I'm starting to run out of ideas and I know that the longer it takes for her to have an orgasm the harder it gets overall for her to actually have one. Plus I just feel bad when she doesn't get to finish.
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In most cases when someone has this problem it's never physical. Usually, this has to do with something psychological or a fear be it rational or not associated with climaxing.
In some cases it may be related to childhood sexual abuse or being sexually assaulted. In others it could be as simple as fearing losing control of one's body or perhaps it's a fear of pain. Maybe she fears adults (her parents or yours) or even roommates will hear her or walk in. Some women may fear it's messy (G-spot) or fear what you'll think of them and their reaction.
You need to ask her if there's anything at all she's afraid of when it comes to sex and just letting go. Then once you figure out what her fear may be you can work on it together. Let her know you're there for her and there's no pressure and she can trust you to let go. See if it's mental first of all before looking strictly at physical causes.
I would suspect if she can reach orgasm on her own through masturbating that it's not a physical problem when it comes to inability to orgasm. If she can do that than it means she definitely has the ability to be able to from my perception.
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I will say as a person that takes relaxant type medicine for fibromyalgia, orgasms are harder to obtain. So, I would not suggest that one.
Considering I do not know all the techniques you have tried, it will be hard to give suggestions. It may be that she is embarassed to have an orgasm in front of someone. She could have had an experience during an orgasm before that has left her terrified of having one again. Of course, in that situation, I am not so sure that talking about it is the right thing to do. If you bring it up, it could make her more uncomfortable. So, unless she brings it up, I wouldn't say anything to her.
Ask her if she has ever had one before. Then, I would say that try to get her to have one without actually having sex. When she gets to the brink and tries to back away, tell her that everything is okay and to relax. Reassurance could be the key aspect here.
I'm gonna say that toys are a girls best friend in times like this. Try buying something at a "toy shop" and introduce them to her. Who knows, once you open her up and get her to final have a release, you may never stop her again!!
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I don't know where you picked up that the longer is takes the harder it will become... there is absolutely no physical reason for that. Mentally she might struggle more or less as time passes. She will relax and orgasm, when she relaxes and orgasms. Or she never will.
What you need to do, before you do anything else, is take your pride out of the equation.
Next, talk to her about this and truly listen to what she says.
Is achieving an orgasm important to her right now?
Is she embarrassed or uncomfortable with your efforts?
Is she disappointed by the failure and tired of trying?
Does she feel dissatisfied with the current sexual situation?
Maybe she wants to keep working at this. Or maybe she just keeps going alone with it because it’s such a big deal to you. You need to find out for sure and you need to go alone with what is important to her.
Secondly, have you tried toys? Mutual masturbation? Lubricants? Oral sex? You mention giving her drugs… but not using any of the more common methods by which women reach orgasm… Most importantly of all: Have you talked to her about her masturbation habits? Have you explored what she has most liked with other partners?
The fact that you didn’t mention any of those sort of things AND that she is consistently pulling you off of her, makes me think that you need to very honestly ask her how important the orgasm issue is to her. If she isn’t on board with your plan to get her off, it will never happen.
You can’t make her want it. You can only respect what she does want.
Don’t think that the fact she doesn’t orgasm makes a person selfish. What makes a selfish person is someone who doesn’t listen to their partners views. You need to her the space to tell you what she feels about this and respect what she wants to do.
If she wants to keep trying, look over the list above, if she doesn’t, lay off for a while.
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