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Anorexia?
So sophomore year, i started takin anti-depressants and it made me gain a little weight. I had always been super-skinny so it freaked me out (freshman year i was 103 or so) and so when the scale said 121 i felt like a fatass and began to eat less calories, excercize more, ect ect. I only lost about 12 pounds so it wasn't anything serious and didn't last too long. Earlier this year, in late February/early march, I went on a crash diet and lost 5 pounds in a little over a week.
When I get like that, it never lasts too long and I it's never a full-on eating disorder... but lately i've been very unhappy and extremely stressed. I beat myself up about how ugly and fat I am and how I have no friends.
a few weeks agoI started just trying to work out and eat better foods but eventally i spiraled out of control and ive lost 21 pounds so far. I am 116 pounds and intend to keep going untill I am 100.... my next goal weight is 107. THe fact that I have a goal weight scares me... also the fact that I read online that most anorexics are the "good" child. the "perfect" one... and thats how i've been raised. My older brother was the screw up and I got straight a's. I'm moving away to college in the fall and he, at 21, is still at home.
I'm convinced that I have a handle on this, because its something i've been through before. However, ive never lost this much weight. And i've never had to be this sneaky about it. I lie daily about what ive eaten and what I do ("oh we went out to dinner" when i really just went on a walk with a friend).
My best friend, Brantley, struggled with this when he was in 8th grade. He had it bad, and at 6'0 he weighed around 120 or 125 he said. ANd yesterday he told me that he's showing signs of it again but he doesnt' really think he has a problem.
I don't want to get help. I don't want to talk to my parents or another therapist (btw, the therapist and phsychiatrist i saw in 10th grade only knew aout the depression and NOT my eating issues) i just want to get through this on my own, but without having to gain weight =/ I think when i'm 100 or 105 i'll slowly star eating normally and will try to maintain arond 110 eventually....
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Okay, what most people don't realize is that eating disorders are PSYCHOLOGICAL. Not necessarily physical. Actual weight has nothing to do with it. You can be 300 pounds and anorexic - it's a mindset, not a physical condition.
I was anorexic in the past, but I never lost any weight. Food was my enemy, I lied about what I ate, I hated my body, and I thought I was fat. I was heavier than I was used to, but I was not "fat," per se. But when I looked in the mirror, I saw about an added twenty pounds, when really, I wasn't so bad off.
I got to the point that I realized I needed to turn my life around, but my body was so used to being starved that when I tried to eat I felt sick.
If you're not there yet, turn this around NOW, because let me tell you, it takes tremendous willpower to force yourself to eat when you're torn between thinking that food is the enemy and realizing that if you don't start eating you'll die, even though it makes you sick.
If you don't want to wind up telling your parents, what you need to do to help yourself is learn about nutrition.
Depriving your body of its fuel (food) is NOT a way to lose weight. I mean sure, if you wanna feel skinnier for prom don't stuff yourself, but if you DO lose weight this way, you can't keep doing it. Eventually you will have to eat or die, and if you can get yourself to eat, you'll probably gain weight because your metabolism will have slowed down in order to keep you alive; it will have gone into starvation mode. If you're looking to damage your body, by all means continue doing what you're doing. If you're looking for a permanent physical change, educate yourself.
I lost twenty pounds in a healthy and permanent way. Here's what you should do:
Look up your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate, NOT YOUR BMI) on line. Then once you find out what you need calorie-wise to maintain (this includes working out if you do), take a few hundred calories out of your diet in the form of junk food, sodas, etc. (Don't eat/drink them is what I mean). DO NOT drop your calorie count below 1200.
Once you know your BMR, take one day eating as you normally do (or don't, depending on how far into anorexia you are), and see how many calories you actually consume in a day. I can almost guarantee if you're anything like me, it's a lot less than you think it is.
A good trick to lose weight is to eat every three hours. It kicks your metabolism up a few notches (trust me, now I HAVE to eat every three hours. I also work out 6 or 7 days a week though, so my BMR for maintaining is like, 2400).
If you want a nice lean, thin body, you need to work out. If you work out, no matter if you do cardio or weight training, you will gain lean muscle - but the more muscle you have, the easier it is to burn fat. So you'll be thinner, but you might not be a hundred pounds.
I hate to say this because I hated to hear it, but weight is really just a number. Example: my measurements are 34 25 or 26 (not sure) 34. I'm 5'4". I weigh 120. I'm constantly mistaken for weighing about 110.
Also, make no mistake, it's really hard for girls to gain bulky muscle like guys - so don't be afraid of the gym.
Anyway, this is already pretty long, so if you want help with a workout plan, or just someone to talk to, I've been there. My screen name is SirenCytherea on AIM; feel free to IM me anytime.
Otherwise, good luck.
-Siren =)
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Sweety, as long as you are losing weight the right way it's alright.
You're at a pretty low weight for your age, though. Make sure to eat 3 square meals a day. GO jogging in the evenings, and stay low on the McDonalds.
Crash dieting is BAD. You should try as hard as you can to get over it before it gets too bad. Your hair can fall out and it'll make you feel terrible.
If you can, take advantage of getting a therapist. They're all different. It may take a few to find the right one. I had to go through a few but now i finally found a great one and am working on my problems with sucsess.
Don't give up!
(and I know how you feel.. i've always been the good child and my brother is 18, a drugie drop out and he has no contact with any of our family T_T)
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I think you really need to talk to if not your parents, then a friend, that doesn't have an eating disorder themselves. Try to stay away from people with an eating disorder, or people that only talk about weight and how they need to lose it. It's an unhealthy environment and you shouldn't be around them. I think you should talk to your parents, really. But non of us on here can make you do that. Please tell a good, honest, loving friend that will be there to help you. Eat infront of her/him at every meal you eat, so someone will KNOW your eating. I hope I helped and you get better and end up getting some help<3
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