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I suppose


Question Posted Monday April 7 2008, 11:02 pm

Then i suppose the real question is..
how do i change all that stuff?
I would never let her go because she is my best friend and i love her to death. I have tried talking to her over and over. Because i tried to talk to her, YOU KNOW WHAT HER AND HER BOYFRIEND LABEL ME AS NOW? They said "You are too sensitive, you are the one who is always getting mad over everything, and my personal favorite YOU OVER ANALIZE" I know i do, but thats the problem. I have become fearful of talking to her about it because they say those things, and that seperates us even more. I tried talking to her and she said she would change it, well she didnt. Now im scared to to say something again because i dont want to be known as that picky person. So what do i do?


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Razhie answered Monday April 7 2008, 11:15 pm:
You can't live in fear, like I said before you just have to make your message clear, simple and EXACT.

Don't talk about what you want her to change, tell her what YOU are going to change and ask for her help.

"I am going to give you some space and not do your homework anymore. I shouldn't be doing it anyways, and it is making me upset."
AND/OR
"I would like to make some time for the two of us to hang out, just me and you. Will you hang out with me this Friday night?"

Don't whine or complain. Be straight to the point and factual. Tell her what you think the problem is and have an ACTION PLAN to help solve it.

Remember: If she doesn't change, that is her CHOICE and the only thing you can do is decide if you can deal with her choice or not. Loving someone enough to stick around and hurt eachother... well, that isn't really love at all. That is just insantity.

What it comes down to is this: You can either try and be clear about your needs in a calm, non-whiny way, or you can go on being miserable. If you go on being miserable and fighting the friendship WILL DIE sooner or later. If you change your approach, are clear about your wishes and forgive her for her choices that hurt you... you at least have a shot of maintaining your friendship.

There are no tricks to doing this. You just have to take control of yourself, plan what you will say and do, and try your best.

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