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Who does she love more?
I dont really now what my question. I just need advice. Ugh. Well I have known my best friend for a really long time. We have been best friends since elementary, with some off time. But right now we have had a stable 3 years of friendship. Like best BEST friends, i mean i take care of her more than her own mother does. We have always had eachother, and i used to know everything about her. We used to talk about getting boyfriends, but i never told her that i didnt even care as long as i still had her. Then she got a boyfriend. At first it was fine, its like they werent dating...but they were like pretty much. She was always like "blah blah (me) is my best friend, and i couldnt live without her" She doesnt say that stuff anymore, and she used to say i was more important, but now i feel otherwise. I treat her so well, im always there for her, and i get dirt in respone. She is a good, nice person, however she gives all that good and sugar niceness to her boyfriend. So i get the leftovers which is getting ignored, and her defending her boyfriend instead of me. Im scared to ask if im more important, because she would be like im not going to say that because i love him too, and your both important. But that would really reassure me, and even if she did say I was more important I WOULDNT BELIEVE HER, because i dont get treated like it. She is always all over him, and i just sit there. She is with him 24 7 and i just cant be. She tells him EVERYTHING, and that used to be me. Wanna know the sucky part? Her bf is one of my BEST FRIENDS. What if he suddenly one day does become more important then me? Would i be choosen over?
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You and her boyfriend are DIFFERENT.
You can't pretend he that you in competition, because you aren't. You are totally different people who have different roles in her life.
I understand your feelings, I really do. I used to get soooo jealous of my friends new boyfriends, but it's useless to do so.
She has someone new to balance in her life, and maybe she is balancing it all very badly. As a friend, what you should be doing is kindly explaining to her that she isn’t doing a very good job of balancing her relationships right now because you are feeling very left out and unloved.
If she is treating you like dirt, you need to tell her so and be VERY specific, like this: "I don't like it when you break plans with me to hang with him/call me names/ignore me for days."
But if you are just FEELING like dirt right now, that isn't something she can solve. You have to fix that. When you say you couldn't even believe her if she said you were important, that means the problem is in YOU just as much as it's in her.
Will he get ‘picked over you’… Why on earth does she have to pick! She doesn’t need to pick one of you at all. All she needs to do is learn to balance and give some more time and energy to the other important areas in her life: Like her friendship with you.
Instead of stewing and beating yourself up, why don’t you try inviting her and planning a special day for the two of you. Try telling her this way “I feel like I’m loosing you and I can’t let that happen. I know you are excited about your boyfriend but I really need to have sometime with you too because you are special to me. I want to preserve that special bond. So let’s make some time together and do something fun.”
That will flatter her, and let her see just how much you’ve missed her without blaming her.
Remember: You can’t monopolize someone’s heart. No matter how much love they might have for you, there is always room for someone else too. Of course, there are only so many hours in a day! So balancing your time can be tough (and as you get older, it only gets tougher). The way you can help her learn to balance is by gently explaining your feelings to her, and doing a bit of work to make sure you still get special best friend time.
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