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losing virginity to best friend
this question is for anyone who has has sex before. My best friend recently told me that he was in love with me and this Friday we plan to lose our virginity together. We have protection and im on Yasmin birth control so im not worried about getting pregnant...The problem is, I have no idea what to do when it actually comes to intercourse... It seems like it would be difficult for 2 bodies to be in sync that way... I don't know the first thing about how to do it.. Any tips from experience? Does it hurt if his penis is 8inches or close to that? Will I bleed? Well I masterbated the other night and I was very turned on at the time and I bled a little, but I wasn't starting my period.. I know that's TMI.. But I'm really just nervous and clueless.. Any tips at all would be greatlyyyyy appreciated :)
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
The first thing I would like to say is; the longer you wait to lose your virginity, the better it will be. The older you get, the more you will have the maturity to deal with the emotional repercussions of taking that step. But that aside, I'll get down to the one piece of advice I WISH somebody had given to me:
You can NEVER use too much lube.
You can purchase lubricant at your local grocery store, and even some convenience stores. It's not hard to find, it's not very expensive, and it will improve your experience so much. It's such an important tool for the first time and beyond, especially if your partner is 'well-endowed'.
The next thing is, don't rush in to it. Hang out for a bit, talk, become relaxed. Then move to kissing, and so forth. Wait until you're both very excited and aroused to move to actual intercourse- this will also help to lubricate you, because when you're turned on your body produces natural fluids to facilitate the process. Make sure that you have plenty of time to spend together, so that you can talk and interact afterwards. When it's over, you might feel sad or confused. That's normal. Having sex is a big step towards growing up and it means some childlike parts of you are dying away, and that IS sad. But it's also beautiful- it means you're growing up.
Anyways that's all I can think of for now. Hope this helped!
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I understand that you may be dead set on losing your virginity to your current best friend but I'd really like you to take note of a few things before engaging in such activities.
Yes, I know it's your body and your decision. I am only making you aware of a few things that you may have slightly overlooked. I see that you're not entirely sure HOW sex works and this concerns me because I feel you may not know the consequences of such actions. I am simply concerned for your well-being.
Sex is a major thing though and you should be picky about what you do and who you do it with. You should not be in a hurry to lose your virginity. It's a very scary activity (you're naked and vulnerable in MANY ways during sex) and we're all pressured to do it in some way.
You risk STDs/STIs with each sexual contact. These can render you infertile and you won't be able to ever have children. If it doesn't do that, it could hide in you and you could end up spreading it to every partner you ever have without knowing it. Even at that, some STDs can deteriorate the brain and be so severe that they cause a long, painful death years later.
A lot of people have STDs/STIs and don't even know it. Many people don't show symptoms. Even if your best friend is a virgin too it doesn't mean he may not have something--babies can be born with STDs.
Along with the risk of sexually transmitted disease/infections is the risk of pregnancy. Having a child is a huge responsibility and NO "protection" is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy (or STDs, as a matter of fact). Having a child (or children in the case of twins) means being completely selfless. You have to support the child financially and emotionally. You have to tend to another human life every minute of yours.
It's even tougher if you don't have a life-long partner to help share that huge responsibility. What's even scarier about that is that men and women today are just up and leaving their children with their partners to handle the responsibility all alone. This means people need to be pickier on who they reproduce with and stop sleeping with any thing that crosses their path even if they claim to love them. Making children isn't hard, it's raising them that gets complicated.
One night of sex can result in creating another life or living with a disease the rest of yours. I know many people who lost their virginity and became pregnant (or had gotten the girl pregnant) the same night. They weren't emotionally ready to have children but they made one mistake and they now have a tough road ahead of them trying to make enough money and time for their child.
Even if you think that you can have an abortion if there happens to be a pregnancy, think about the consequences of that action even. Some women suffer major depression for many years after having an abortion. There are cases of women committing suicide years after having an abortion because they couldn't deal with what they had done. Some women become infertile and can no longer have any children. Some really good men refuse to be with a woman who has had an abortion. Throwing a life away because you wanted to have some fun should be an unacceptable option.
The media feeds us a bunch of stupidity now. We're told that if we use condoms or the pill that we won't get pregnant or have STDs. The media tells us that we should be having sex with as many people as possible to become popular, famous, attractive, and overall liked. The media says that if we love someone that we should have sex and prove this love with that is not at all what we should be doing. We're told that we should give into our urges and that everything will be alright since we can throw away the consequences.
You should really sit down with the best friend and discuss this matter. Look up some photos online together of what STDs have done to people's bodies. Discuss financial responsibility and emotional support you would have to provide if there happens to be a life created from the activity. Think of the POSSIBILITIES and make sure that you're truly ready to handle everything that can come from having sex.
You should not be in a rush to have sex. You have plenty of years ahead of you. If you love your best friend and he loves you then sex shouldn't be a priority. Love does not mean you should be having sex and having sex does not mean you love someone. Anyone can have sex. Lots of people have sex with each other every day and don't have the slightest bit of care for their sexual partner.
Here are some facts you want to consider on pregnancy:
"...you thought the home pregnancy test was expensive! The costs of raising a baby to age 18 costs between $125,000-$250,000 and that's not including college tuition! In your baby's first year alone, you can easily spend between $9,000-$11,000..."
"...childcare can cost as much as $3,000-$4,500 in your baby's first year, not to mention the higher insurance premium for adding an additional person."
"Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications."
"...plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.)"
"For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300- depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula."
Taken from:
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Here are 25 really good reasons why it's important to keep your virginity (it has some really neat things to think about; even if you DO choose to have sex it's still very interesting to read and to think about):
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Here are some amazingly scary facts about STDs currently:
"More than half of all people will have an STD/STI at some point in their lifetime.
The estimated total number of people living in the US with a viral STD/STI is over 65 million. Every year, there are at least 19 million new cases of STDs/STIs, some of which are curable.
More than $8 billion is spent each year to diagnose and treat STDs/STIs and their complications. This figure does not include HIV.
In a national survey of US physicians, fewer than one-third routinely screened patients for STDs/STIs.
Less than half of adults ages 18 to 44 have ever been tested for an STD/STI other than HIV/AIDS.
Each year, one in four teens contracts an STD/STI.
One in two sexually active persons will contact an STD/STI by age 25.
About half of all new STDs/STIs in 2000 occurred among youth ages 15 to 24. The total estimated costs of these nine million new cases of these STDs/STIs was $6.5 billion, with HIV and human papillomavirus (HPV) accounting for 90% of the total burden."
...and it goes on! Right here...
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...and here's some photos of SOME STDs (graphic photos of mostly males, you have to click on links to choose which ones you want to see though so if you click here it isn't going to pop up a bunch of photos):
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...you can google up a lot more images of various STDs/STIs. I figured you could spend some time doing so if you chose to. You really need to consider this just in case your partner is carrying something (or picks up something later on). It's better to be informed that to go into it clueless!
Losing your virginity is a one-time deal. You never give it back no matter what you do. It should be a special thing to give your virginity to your husband (trust me, the man you marry would be thrilled to receive that sort of gift on the wedding night). Before jumping into things, discuss the consequences and think it all over. Look ahead at what you want your life to become.
If he loves you, he can wait for sex. If he says he wants to marry you, then you can surely wait until you're already wed. Just because someone tells you they love you it doesn't mean you should owe them something.
To quickly touch on your questions:
Sex can be a very bad experience if you choose the wrong partner and if you're both not completely informed about everything that sex is. It can be painful if neither party knows what they are doing.
Bleeding comes from your hymen ripping. Your hymen is a very thin piece of flesh that covers most of your vaginal opening. A large penis will probably rip your hymen moreso and you will bleed again.
Since you are new to sexual things (assuming you've only masturbated once even) sex will probably be very uncomfortable the first few go-arounds. No matter what you "think" (as the person below me says) your body is not use to having large objects shoved into it and being forced to stretch out.
Please get yourself (and your partner) informed completely before deciding to engage in sex.
I wish you luck on figuring out what is best to do for you. I do hope I've informed you of some things you hadn't considered.
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ummmmmmm... yeah it hurts alot. but its all in your mind, if your mind is saying it dont hurt then sweetie it wont hurt you, cuz its all in the mind. write back!
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
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It will definitely hurt a bit. It always does the first time, especially because he's big. But don't worry at all, it's natural. Initiating sex, when he first goes into you, will really hurt. If you feel extremely extremely uncomfortable, have him stop. You'll have to take it slow. Basically, after a while it might start to feel pretty good. Don't expect anything fantastic for the first time. If it doesn't end up feeling good, that's okay. It might hurt a little bit for the first couple of times, but as long as you do it pretty reguarly you'll get used to it and it will start feeling amazing. You may bleed a little bit but it doesn't add to the pain.
So at least for the first time, I'd suggest you laying down on your back and having him on top of you. Like you're making out, but he's in you. That's the easiest way and the best for the first couple of times.
Good luck and its good that you're being safe
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