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friend vs. heart
here is the thing. like any other friendship of a girl and guy. one falls for the others.
in this case.. i fell for my best friend. we were open with each other, so i told him.. i dealt with liking him and i hid at times and lied that i didnt anymore just so it wouldnt mess up the friendship. then i admitted i loved him..he was okay with that, but he had a girlfriend. who he has known for 3 years..and yeah i know he is in love with her, he has been for the last 2 years or so, and has been trying to get with her for the longest time. we ended the friendship so my feelings could disappeared though i told him it wasnt possible for it to all go away like nothing happened, and that i will always have feelings.. so we werent friends for a month, and i was really happy..and i didnt see much feelings for him. last saturday we became friends again..and we took things so..though its a bit rocky..we dont talk everyday and dont have deep conversations, since we are barely friends and we both want to work on this..for some reason i got all these feelings that i battled back before we ended the friendship..i'm scared..i can't really talk to my friends about this..they are all sick of hearing this..and one could tell him about this..and yeah.
we agreed if my feelings increased again, then it'd be best to end the friendship. he knows that he means a lot to me, he knows that our friendship means a lot to me. (about 3 weeks ago he asked me what i wanted for my birthday (which is next week) though we werent friends yet..i looked at him, and said our friendship and started to cry.) we both want to be friends again and we were both working on it..and hope to maybe be best friends again.
i just don't what to do..my feelings are coming back..and i dont want to live in pain..but i dont want to loose him either. :-\
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You can't have everything you want.
You can either have your happiness and peace of mind, or you can have his friendship... oh wait, no that doesn't work either...
Because, lets say you dont' tell him that your feelings have come back. Sooner or later you are going to slip up and he will realize the truth and your friendship will end. It will be messy and painful, because he will feel lied too and misled and you feel like a failure and a monster for crushing on someone who doesn't feel the same AND has a girlfriend.
So obviously, that is a bad plan.
So the real choice here is this:
You can pretend to have his friendship for a bit longer before it all falls apart and leaves you both feeling like shit.
OR
You can admit to yourself that 'friendship' is nothing but a lie you were trying to tell yourself and move on respectfully.
You can't change how you feel, you can only deal with it. It's a painful thing to actually do, but a simple choice to make when you see it for what it really is.
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Ok, well it's always hard when you get feelings for a 'best friend' because you know there's a HUGE risk of losing the great connection you have with each other. It is so common to fall in love with your best friend because you trust them to tell them everything and not be judged, but always helped through the hard times. They're someone to lean on and someone to love, but when that love tirns into a romantic love, it gets complicated, especially when they're already in a relationship.
You've said that you JUST want to keep the friendship and get rid of those feelings. Taking a break was a good thing of you to do. it showed you that you CAN get over the person with time and space, unfortunately, that doesn't help with the whole 'keeping the friendship' thing.
Here's what I suggest you do. See who else is out there, you might be surprised. You could find someone else that you develope feelings for, even if it's just a little crush, it'll help show you that you don't NEED to be in a relationship with this boy, you just need him as a friend.
You could also set days to yourself where all you think about is you, think about what you want to be when you get out of school or, what parts of the world you want to see. Just don't picture a romance with HIM in it. If you give yourself little goals each month it should help, try to find someone that's similar to him, or someone that you're just distracted by.
Another way is to start reading/writing books, take up more sport, save up to go on a holiday. There are many little achievements you can make by yourself to get over these feelings for him. Find a great hobby you can do, you might meet someone there.
The point is, if you stay in this mess, all your going to do is hurt yourself even more, trust me, I know, I've been in the same situation as you, the problem was, I dated the person after YEARS of wanting, we broke up because we realised that we were too close as friends, then because we were breaking up, we faught and we lost everything all together. You just have to see that maybe going into a relationship with this guy isn't the right thing and it'll probably end badly.
Love him as a friend.
P.S sorry about the long answer... it's hard to think about things to say that make sense.
Good Luck.
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