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humorist-workshop
this is going to be long so beware
24/f
so here is the shortest version of the story I can manage. When I was seventeen I met the love of my life. we both knew it the moment we met. we lived 8 hours away from eachother but had a long distance relationship. he is 2 years older so he moved to the east coast to be in a band before I got out of highschool. i was supposed to go when I graduated but as life goes...I moved to the west coast with another man when I was 18. when i was 20 we found eachother again and he still in the band we saw eachother a few times and were still in love. this is like really true love, our hearts and souls are meant to be. he cannot leave his band, they tour 10 months out of the year. anyway we stayed in contact and over the years he would fly out between tour dates and spend a few days with me. two years ago we decided it was very hard to be together long distance so we agreed to see other people because we were both lonely but we both knew we still loved eachother. we planned to get married when I moved from the west coast. he started seeing his ex and I met someone from work. we still stayed in touch and in love. well, I ended up getting pregnant and had a baby with a man i do not love, and still do not love. we lost contact after I had my baby, he was really hurt yet supportive of me keeping the child. I two years later, my son is over a year old and I still live with his father who is not a nice person at all. Recently we started talking again and although we are both in relationships the love is still there. I guess i just need advice on how to move on from here...i am staying with my baby's father for my son, but I love this other man so much. he is constantly touring so its not like we can be together because I cannot move to his home base because it would bring my son 2000 miles away from his dad. I just dont know what to do. I love him and I know we are destined to be together. sorry if my question is not really precise, but any advice would help me greatly. this man is always on my mind and I know now that i am always on his mind. thanks
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know that having yours son, choices are now extremely hard for you, especially on matters of the heart. But if you are not in love with his father, then you can't stay together with him. Your son won't understand for a long long time why but he will eventually. If you are in love with someone and they are in love with you then you need to compromise with him. If he truly loves you then he will want to make time for you and compromise.
Your son is very young so he will not quite understand what is happening for a few years but explaining things lightly to him will help the situation slightly.
Does the current man you are with think you are in love with him? Because if he does, you need to let him know that you arent. You cant live a lie the rest of your life, to him or yourself.
Make sure that your son will be able to have contact with his father b/c it is definitely unhealthy for him to not know him.
But remember, it will be worse for your son if you are not a loving parent to your partner. Kids see they're parents and learn from them; if you arent in love with your partner, your son will figure that out eventually anyway.
And though you need to do what's best for your son, you need to follow your heart's desire b/c there is nothing worse than love that's been stripped away from you. Your son will understand when he falls in love himself, even if thats awhile from now.
Whatever makes you happiest is the right thing. And i know that whatever makes your son happy will make you happy as well so when you figure out a cure for both of your happinesses, then that will be the right route.
Hope that everything goes well...
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Things are a whole lot different now that you have your son, you have to do whats best for him. But if the relationship you have with his father is stressed and there is constant bickering then I don't necessarily think thats the best environment for your son. Yes, he needs to be in a healthy and loving environment. I know from experience that a bickering and nonhappy house is not a home. My parents fought constanly when I was smaller but tried to stay together for me, it proved to be the wrong decision and now I have to deal with it.
If you and this man really love each other then you both are going to have to compromise. You need to find a neutral level where your son can be near his father, but maybe not neccessarily live with him but so they can visit, somewhere you and this man can be together without a strain on the relationship. It is going to be difficult for all of you but in the end it may be the best choice.
Hope I helped!
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No problem with the long story, it was very well detailed.
Understanding that you now have a child with someone else, is putting on a lot more stress to the situation. Now that your whole life revolves around your son, you have to go with what would be best for him, throughout his developing life.
Being said, you are with your son's father, you are living miserably as stated that he isn't a good person. If he isn't handling his fatherly duties, and paying attention to his child, then you have every right to leave him, and take your son with you.
You say you love the other man, and you tried staying in contact while he's own tour and you being where you are. Long distance don't really work out, and I'm surprised to hear that you've managed through the long distance, separation, and seeing other people. If you want to be with him, you're going to have to find out a way to work it out.
If you want to be a band member's girlfriend/future wife, you have to do some serious negotiation with him. As, he is living in the "Music Life" he's constantly busy, and may not have much time to share with you.
You have to think about it that way. You would hardly spend time with him.
My question to you is:
Do you want to be with him, knowing he now lives a busy lifestyle? Are would you just move on to someone else other than your son's father?
It will take along time to mend your heart because it is still with him, but you need it back if things cannot be, between you two.
If its impossible to work things out with your son's father, then leave. You don't want your child to grow up around someone who isn't going to be a decent Male Role Model for him.
Just move, see how things work out, you never know, it might be a good decision. And if not, start your life over with someone new.
Hope all goes well.
Good Luck!
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You are in a really tight situation. Since the father of your child is a jerk, he might just not be the right one for you, even though the other guy is touring, you could find ways to still be with him. Either way you're going to have to make some sacrifices so you can be with who you want to be. I'm sorry I couldn't give you any better advice.
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