Question Posted Wednesday February 27 2008, 1:46 am
Alright, i think this would be alot easier if i start from the beginning.. sorry if its long, but it might give you a better understanding.
2 and a half years ago i met this boy dylan. i just recently found out that he has liked me ever since we first met. i didnt know this at the time, so during the 2 years i've known him i've just went out w/ a few of the guys he hangs out with.
back in october is when he finally asked me out & i told him yes. he ended up breaking up with me in the middle of november, but he said he still wanted to be really close friends. i dont know if that was just some lame break up line, but i wanted to stay friends too.
in december, dylan told me that he wanted to go back out w/ me, but that his friend jeremiah wanted to go out w/ me also. i told dylan's friend that i didnt know if i wanted to, so we just hung out as friends & got to know each other instead.
then in january they actually got into a fist fight b/c over me & i witnessed it. jeremiah backed out of the fight cause he said he didnt want to fight w/ someone he had so much history with, but dylan is telling everyone that he kicked his ass and that he ran away like a coward and is just talking alot of shit on him. they aren't friends anymore & i feel like this is my fault. i never meant for them to stop being friends.
at the beginning of this month dylan was telling everyone he knew that he was going back out w/ me. but we arent.(btw we go to different schools) & just last week is when he really did ask me back out again. over the weekend i told him i'd think about it, but that too much stuff was going on & i dont want anyone to get in anymore fights and that i think it'd be better if we werent going out and just stayed friends for now. but now today jeremiah told we that dylan is now talking shit on me as well as jeremiah. jeremiah was saying that he heard my name clearly & something about my race(ethnicity), he told me he didnt hear anything else but i dont know if he was just holding back from anything else he heard cause he didnt want me to get hurt, but i really dont care b/c dylan's just saying all this cause i turned him down. or atleast thats what i think.
before me and dylan first started going out, we never really talked. so i never thought he would be the type to lie(he's lied to me about alot of things), go behind your back, or talk shit. i really do still want to be friends with him though & i want him and jeremiah to be friends again, so im thinking maybe if i could talk to him about it & tell him that its really hurting me that he's disrespecting me and just get everything out in the open so that we could resolve all this. do you think this would be a good idea or would it just make the situation worse & use it against me? also, why do guys feel the need to talk shit on a girl that doesnt want to go out w/ them? i told him the reason why, & i thought he would understand. he's liked me for almost 3 years, so why would he do this? is it some kind of ego thing or what? how do i make him stop?
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? Advicelady6798 answered Wednesday February 27 2008, 5:02 pm: They both want/will continue to fight and spread lies to in order to get you on their side. Dylan is doing it by spreading rumors or is he really? And Jeremiah is running to you, continuing to stir the pot of drama by making you mad at dylan. The key is to ignore them both. If you ignore them it will drive them crazy that they will do anything to even get your friendship back. Talking to them is not going to help it will make things worse because you don't know the truth or the exact true. You are basing your judgments on what he said she said. A way to find out the truth is to be neutral and ignore them both. By doing that you are making them talk to each other because they are going to ask each other is she talking to you? This will actually help them communicate with each other eventually bringing them together as friends and working together to get your friendship back. [ Advicelady6798's advice column | Ask Advicelady6798 A Question ]
Razhie answered Wednesday February 27 2008, 2:37 pm: Them choosing not to be friends is NOT YOUR FAULT in anyway.
They were deeply immature about the whole thing and disrespectful to eachother. Nothing you do or say will fix that or thier friendship. It's something they need to figure out.
Since they have tried to make you 'the reason' for thier fight (which is just a lame excuse) you trying to help will only make things worse. Rest assured that most people can see right through Dylan's attacks on a girl who rejected him. If anyone mentions what he says about you all you need to say is "I know he's very hurt, but that isn't true." and then let it go.
The best way to make Dylan stop is to ignore him and give him space. Giving Dylan space might also mean giving Jeremiah space and making it clear to him that you no longer want to talk about this subject and that it is between him and Dylan.
It is between him and Dylan. You are just caught in the crossfire. Do not let Dylan or Jeremiah drag you back into the middle of it, either by insulting you as Dylan is trying too, or by running to you with drama stories as Jeremiah is. They both want to keep you involved to enhance thier position in the argument between thme. Leave them both be. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
MaggieMaclean answered Wednesday February 27 2008, 2:09 pm: Dear Ex,
Well what I would do first is just give them a few weeks to cool off. I think your right about the ego thing. You turned him down so he wants to make it seem like he didn't even really want you. After a few weeks talk to them both. Keep in mind if you decide to go out with either of them your friendship with the other one will be ruined, they will feel betrayed. Find another guy your interested in to show both of them that you are really over them, forever. Hope this helps.
Sincerely Maggie Maclean. [ MaggieMaclean's advice column | Ask MaggieMaclean A Question ]
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