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Ex boyfriend wants to come back
I just broke up 3 months ago with my bf ,we had been dating for about 4 years .It was a chaos in our relationship because his parents always had something to say in our relationship and he allowed them to, ques he wasn't mature enough for me ,..so we broke up...(let's call him mr.kel)
6 years ago I had another boyfriend ,(lets's call him mr.right )
He was my first love ,my first everything ..I never really got over him and we never even broke up,..I had to move to another land and ques we lost contact and he even got kids ,We both kept moving forward with our lifes but. Last year (december)I went back to my island and we met again,and it was like love at first sight again ,(by that time I already broke up with mr.kell) we went out and it was fun and I loved every minute of it ,seems like my life made sence again .
Well than I had to come back and I left him there again ,..I was happy I saw him but at the same time I had like a weird feeling ,like I thought that this was not meant to be beacause he has his life and kids and stuff ,so I gave up every hope of me and him being back toghether and I came back with a broken heart...
Last month he called me and tell me that he didn't want to tell me the truth while I was over there because I was on vacation and he didn't want to ruin it .
He told me that he was unhappy and that his life is a living hell and that sometimes he even thinks in putting an end to his life(this I know for shure)
I was shocked,.....since then we talk to each other every single day and I'm convince that I meant or still mean something to him....
Last week he told me that he is giving everthing up to come and live with me ,....
People help ,....it supose to make me happy but instead I'm really afraid that he might be using me ....what can I do to make shure he's not using me......I just got out of a tragic relationship I don't want to screw things up again,........But on the other side I really want to have him back .....
HELPPPPPPPPP
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
speak you dutch?
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Don't you find it the least bit odd that he tells you how awful and suicidal he is and then suddenly make plans to LIVE with you?
This is a red flag.
I was once with a guy, let's refer to him as M, who told me he was suicidal. M was my first as well and I felt a strong attachment to M.
Everything was great with M in the beginning. He acted as if I were very important to him. I felt nice talking to him for hours, it was like he gave meaning to my life for awhile.
He seemed to be nice and kind. He had a good sense of humor, an upbeat spirit, and our relationship felt great. Nothing seemed to be amiss.
Then things went sour.
M seemed to change one day and told me things he had "never told anyone else" about himself. Most of these things had to do with his depression. He totally didn't seem like that when I was with him though.
M liked to play games after that but I was too naive to realize this. You see, I was told the same thing you were, "I'm really depressed and sad with my life. You'll make everything right..." but later to find out things like that thrown into my face.
Any time that M and I had a disagreement, he threw his "suicidal" feelings into my face. He told me that if I tried to leave, he'd kill himself and blame it all on me.
I was not able to have any friends because of M's growing jealousy. My friends began to grow upset as I made up lies as to why I couldn't meet up with them on our normal routines.
Any move I made that he was even the slightest bit uncomfortable about, he told me how horrid I was and that I was going to be the cause of his suicide. He played his suicide card on me so many times and I never had a clue he even felt that way until that one random day.
I had a college chosen to go off to. I had plans for my future. I was excited and the college was only a few hours away from my hometown. Of course, M was critical and told me I wouldn't be able to do it. When those things didn't work, he went with his suicidal bit again and made me stay.
I realized that he had me pinned. I wasn't able to leave as he was placing his entire life in my hands. He forced me to drop my plans and be a loner. I was miserable.
He was making plans without even thinking of my feelings. He was allowed to have friends and go out with them whenever he wanted.
I look back now and see that him "confessing" his depression to me was step one of his trap. He knew he had built enough bond with me that I would believe it and try to make it better. He played me and I didn't know it for a long time.
In the end, he left me for another woman. He got to choose everything in the relationship and never thought about my needs. He sucked me in and used me for all he could.
He drained me of emotional support for others. He kept me up late at night on the phone telling me he was going to kill himself if I said hi to someone the next day. He kept me unhappy so I was dependent on him for human interaction and companionship.
There is a reason you two broke it off before and didn't attempt to stay in contact.
Ask yourself this one: Why didn't he try to contact you when you had to move if you meant so much to him?
There is a reason he isn't with anyone currently too. There is a reason he has children but no wife. There is a reason the mother of his children didn't want to be with him forever.
Evaluate everything. He may be playing the depression/suicide card on you too.
Personally, I think it's way too soon for him to be moving in with you like that. It'd be something else if he wanted to move CLOSER and find his own job, his own housing, his own vehicle.
I think it's odd he's going to up and leave everything he's built there and live off of what you have while, I'm guessing, he looks for a job.
Talk to him about this. Tell him you're feeling rushed and not courted like a lady. You deserve respect and it's your place to say who moves in with you and who doesn't.
I hope you figure things out.
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This 'mr.kel' seems to be just a memory and i dont think anything else needs to be said about him.
Mr.right though, is different.
This guy, has had a family.
He made a decision to be with another woman instead of pursuing you and he has to deal with that commitment and not run away from it.
HE needs to deal with his past by himself and not bring you into his chaotic life.
In the end, it's basically up to you what to decide.
He is still a father and that means he has to care for his kids. And it makes you think, if you had children with you, would he just abandon them too?
The fact is he has a life that he can't run away from. Maybe if he negotiated with whatever woman he spawned children with that they visit him whenever.
He isn't the only fish in the ocean, he's just the one caught in your seaweed, once you untangle him, will he swim away or stay?
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