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how do you find peace after being molested as a child?
I was around 7 when my brother n law started talking to me about sex and little kisses here and there began, the touching started around 10 or 11 and then all the way when i was 12,i told my sister a few years later when i was about 14, she promised she would not hate me and things between us would not change, we were so close even though she is more then 10yrs older, but she lied when i was 18 it finally came out to the whole family, and i was told to deal with it i couldn't stand to be around him, but they said deal with it.so i've tried, at his son's funeral i felt sorry for the bastard, i went to hug him and he held me tight and said do you know how many beautiful women have hugged me tonight god help me i thought i'd die.i;ve tried shrinks and its all still in my head, how do i get my sister to love me again?shes convinced it never happened, and i just want it all to go away, it has been over 15 yrs of hell, any advice much appreciated.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I've wanted to answer this for a long time now, but haven't been able to because I've been banned.
It is impossible for you to find peace after being molested during childhood all on your own. Not improbable. Impossible. You MUST receive help from a qualified professional to help you bring up your repressed emotions and memories you went through and deal with them. When an adolescent is abused before 15, their brain is still developing and has the abuse written into the brain. I would bet my entire life savings that you are experiencing the results of this abuse today. Even though you've tried shrinks, you must continue trying until you find one that works for you and knows what they are doing.
Good luck.
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My condolences on your ordeal, why would you want your sister to forgive you? What exactly did you do to be forgiven? It sounds like your sister is in denial and her husband suffers from serious character flaws. Either way the best way to seek peace in this matter is to first establish some strong boundaries between your sister and her husband, (don’t allowed your self to be re-victimized by their attitudes towards you) and forgive them both. Forgive your sister for erring on the side of ignorance, instead of looking out for your best interest and investigating the matter. Forgive your entire family for telling you to deal with it and forgive her husband for violating your innocence as a child. Forgiveness is not about denying the wrong that has been done to you, but acknowledging the wrong that has been done to you, the hurt you experienced from the wrong, and letting go of the hurt and pain caused to you. Give your self permission for your basic right to experience happiness as a human being. It also sounds like you have experienced some trauma for your ordeal as a child. I strongly suggest you look into seeking the services of a therapist, preferably one who specializes in EMDR, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.
Good luck.
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Ok first off...
Just to clarify....this isn't your fault!
Your family shouldn't have told you to deal...this is a very traumatic experience for someone to go through! They should be there for you! You should not be expected to be around him, what he did to you is horrible! The way you choose to deal with it is yours. I mean you can get medication from your doctor to block the memories...or you can talk to your "shrink" and just talk about it. You can also confront the man who molested you and ask him why he did it. And clear it up that way. Or maybe write your self letters explaining what you are feeling and then mailing them to that man. This might make him see how he effected you...if he doesn't alreay know! I know you want to get over this, and I don't blame you. I also have another suggestion...horses. If you live near a horse farm, I would suggest going to ride for a little bit, and bonding with them. I have seen the results with rape, mental and physical dissabilities and depression. They turn your life around. So I would try it, you might think at first they are smelly and dirty, but I guarantee it will help if you mindis open and you really want to deal with this. And if you don't think you have enough time, then try taking a weekend far in advanced, and get excited about it. You will instantly feel a connection with the horse. It will hurt your bottom, but its really fun!!! And about the whole sister loving you thing...I think you first need to come to terms with the situation, before you can go and talk to her. If she doesn't think it happened...then I don't think there is any hope in trying, when someone mind is set in one direction, then it porbably won't change just by talking to her. It sounds like you have already talked to her, and it didn't work. You can't make anyone do anything, unless they want to change their mind. So sorry about your sister, but I think the most important thing is to help you get over it, and to make your mental health a lot better. I hope I helped, and if you need anything else you can IM me on AIM at ====> xxAMS15xx
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Most people find it easier to get over or forget if they confront the accusser- step brother.
I'm almost positive they have a type of medicine that you get from the shrink that can block the memories, and maybe other shrinks can help you in different ways then your previous shrink did. But I'm not for sure about the medicine.
For a lot of people who are molested or raped at a child it's hard to forget, it's a part of their life and makes them who they are today.
And for your sister, if she hates you or doesn't love you because of this, that is EXTREMELY uncalled for. You chose to confide in her because you trusted her. But, I'm guessing she may be set in her ways..
Hope I Helped & Good Luck !
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