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shes dating a jerk
my best friend is dating this guy who is terrible to her. they have been off and on for years, but they always break up because he cheats on her all the time, sometimes with several girls at once and/or she is cheating on him. they would break up and my friend would say shes never getting back together with him and that hes a loser and she doesn't know what she sees in him, but a few days later they're back together. he hangs out with our group of friends all the time, he does drugs and drinks, he talks about how he's always in trouble, and every other word is the f word. none of us can stand him, and we tell my friend that she can do so much better [she couldn't possibly do worse], but she always defends him and gets mad at us. she has a history of dating guys like this, and the one time she did find a nice guy, she cheated on him. we really care about our friend and we want her to stop hurting herself like this, but what do we do to help?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You can't stop her from making poor decisions. If you've been clear in your advice and preferences the next step is to make your own good decisions.
It is perfectly all right to refuse to hang around this guy. It is perfectly okay to have a 'girl’s night' or to extend an invitation to her, and not him. At school, you can't really do this very well, but outside of school you and your other friends should be clear "We don't enjoy his company or his behavior. It's okay if you do, but we don't want to spend our time around him. Of course we’d long to hang out with you, when you are free."
This isn't about forcing her too choose between her friends and her boyfriend, so don't ever suggest that to her. This is about saying what you can't tolerate in your life. This is about setting a basic standard for the people you choose to spend your free time with. It's something she needs to learn to do as well.
You can't always be friends with your friend’s partner. You should always try to be civil, but do not go out of your way to include someone who falls beneath the basic standard of civil and respectful behavior.
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sounds to me like a problem thats way too common these days: she has extreme low confidence. i know so many girls who have gone through the exact same thing because they simply just did not feel good about themseleves and would take any kind of love they can get, even if the guy is a jerk. your friend is most likely defending him because she doesnt wanna admit the truth, and even though its messsed up, she still feels some sort of love from him and thats all she needs to feel good about herself. but trust me..this CAN change! those same girls i knew..alot of them have gained SO MUCH confidence and now only date truly nice guys. so what im saying is..you guys have got to help her realize how truly great she is inside..and help her every day learn to love herself mroe and more..what she needs is strength & it comes from within her, but you guys can guide her. sit her down and tell her that you really really care about her so much and that this is only gonna mess up her life..tell her to think about her future and who she wants to be with..and also just let her know how amazing she is and that if she begins to love herself..all of this can stop. she'll realize she really CAN get better and NEEDS to leave that guy behind! over time, she will hopefully get strong enough to dump him! hope i helped
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