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Scared sister with a brother who smokes Pot
Ok my brother [16/m] has been making huge mistakes with his life since he's started hanging out with some friends a few years ago. They all dress in black, and some have piercings. They act crazy ALL the time, within their group. They also smoke. It varies from one person to the next, but they all do some sort of drug.
Now, my brother was fine in 6th-7th grade. When he met these people at the end of 7th grade was when it all started. He started to dress in all black too. He started spitting hateful words at my mother and usually making her cry and go talk to my dad. My dad has always been my brother's "favorite parent", so my dad had an easy time talking to him and telling him not too do it again.
At first, it worked, and my brother didn't cuss at my mom for a month or so. Then he started up again, being sweet when he wanted something and cussing at my mom whenever he got it. Nowadays, my dad has been having to sit down with him and talk more and more often, and my brother disrespects my mother the day after he and my dad have a talk! This has been going on for years now, pulling me and my brother's relationship farther and farther apart.
We used to be REALLY tight. Then, he began ignoring me. He never talked to me, never looked at me, whatever. He wasn't mad at me, he just began to see me more as a "little sister" than as a "best friend". Last summer, however, he began to talk to me. Whether it was from his lack of friends, due to the vacation, or his boredom, we started hanging out again. We made jokes and talked just like the old days. I love being so close to him, and you usually don't find a sister and brother get along so well and everything. We hung out every day and stayed up for hours at night just talking, or playing video games and whatnot. Then, towards the end of the summer, he began telling me what he was doing. He said it casually, like it was no big deal. The first act was, him and his friends were at his friend's house, and they were digging in his grandfather's things. They found a cigar, dipped it in cough syrup, and smoked it. He told me all of this as if it was the most normal thing. I couldn't believe he would do that.
Then it was time for school again, and I was worried. He would be in highschool and hanging out with these friends. He's always had a very short temper, but that year, everything got out of control. We were still friends, and he still talked to me about everything, so I always knew what kind of crazy things he did. He began to come home angry all the time. He would yell at my mom and cause her to cry and yell, and he would get to the point of almost hitting her. Then he would punch walls or break things or slam doors, and just run out of the house. Then my mom would call my dad and he would come home early and drive around trying to find him. This was everything on the worst nights, but things weren't necessarily happy all the time either. This madness lasted for a while and then my brother drove my parents into a divorce.
Now, I'm NOT blaming him for the divorce, but I'd definitely say he was a small portion of it. He was absolutely terrifying. I can't even imagine what it is like for my sisters, who are 7 and 8. Even when they are just talking, he screams at them to shut up and cusses at them. He absolutely hate them. When he does that my mom will monotonously remind him not to, but then he'll argue back and yell at her. He's caused my sisters to cry many times.
And currently, He has told me he does Pot. He said, once, that he'd never do anything like it, but he is. He and I are still friends, but I have become the familie's peacemaker.
My parent's divorce has served as an excuse for my brother for him to do all of this. He has also come to the conclusion that he's an Athiest [Which i'm NOT saying is a bad thing]. I do not believe he is an atheist. I think he believes he is because all of his friends are and he has the thought in his head that atheists can do whatever they want with no consequences. He doesn't understand that not all atheists do bad things.
My mom vents to me after her and my brother have a fight and he runs out. My brother vents to me when we stay up late at night talking. My dad vents to me when I stay at his house every other weekend. I'm each of their personnal counselors, I talk everything through with them and point things out.
I know that our family is beyond the point of no return. Every one in our family has moved on from the divorce except my brothr, who still uses it as an excuse. I have talked to him about his Pot issue, but he claims he is not addicted, and that it is not harming him. I know it's not that nig of a drug, compared to others, but I also know that it is a "Gateway drug". He said he'll never do anything like Meth or one of those drugs, but he's lied about those things before, like when he said he'd never do pot. I'm pretty sure my parents are vaguely aware that he does pot, but they are in denial, and don't want to accuse him of something they don't have proof of.
My youngest sister, who is 7, has been catching some of these bad habits from my brother. She has a short temper also, and yells all the time. I know this is typical child behavior, but i'm still watching her. I just don't know how to handle all of this. How do I get him to stop? I've talked to him numerous times, and my parents are considering military school! I don't know what to do!
I know I wrote an essay. Sorry, but it's hard to explain 3-4 years of my life and be "brief" about it.... please help. I'll rate you just for taking the time to read all of this. I just want him to stop.
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wow...let me just say that you are one amazing girl, sister, and friend :) it must be hard for you to have to deal with all this stress...
okay now... you know what i think is that the reason your brother is doing all this in the first place is because he wants the attention...and since no one (i mean like an authoritive figure) is doing anything to stop it he feels like he can keep doing it... honestly, i dont think there is much you can do about it because he doesnt see you as someone that will have control over him... he needs someone to yell right back at him and be like hey you are fucking up your life! it may seem harsh but something needs to be done NOW before anything worse happens... if you feel like youre the one that needs to make that happen then is there anyone (not your parents) that you could go to to talk about this with...like a school counselor or aunt or uncle or something?
also, i honestly think that your brother needs professional help...he needs to go see a psychologist/psychiatrist and yeah hes not going to want to and hes going to protest and be like im not going...but its going to help him greatly...these people will help him out far more then you and it doesnt seem like your parents are doing much about the situation either... i think he would benefit in so many ways by doing this i really do...
he might lose trust in you but wouldnt you rather help him get his life back on track before he seriously hurts himself? and once he has his life back on track hes going to thank you...because you will have saved him...
hoped this helped somewhat... youre a strong girl...good luck
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If your brother has been doing all this stuff before your parents decided to get an divorce than he can't use that as an excuse even if he tries. It's just common sense. And you need to get that through to him. I can assure you that the friends he is hanging around does have a big affect on how he has changed through the years. And they will continue to make an impact untill someone finds a way to stop him from hanging out with them. Studys show that a kid that tries pot will try or mabe become addicted to other drugs in the future. Marijuana can be addicting to some people and not so addicting to others. Take me for example, i smoke everyday; 100x a day and i am not an addict. When i don't have weed, i don't freak out or anything. He on the other hand could be addicted but that you will probably never be able to find out unless you try hard anough. I understand you are probably so upset that you and him aren't so close anymore, but there is really nothing you can do to change the path he has chose to walk on. Your parents aren't strict anough obviously, instead of your mom crying she should ground him and if he leaves the house; call the cops. He is not 18 years old so therefore your parents have total control if they choose to have it. I know this might not be what you want to hear but boot camp is deffently the question so you should pressure your parents to make him go. He'll be away from all his friends and that might change him. Plus them people will whip him into shape so he isn't so disrespectful. Without boot camp i don't know what will change him. Hope i helped. Hes introuble and to me it sounds like your the source to fix him.
PK
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First of all, i am so sorry about your family and brother and the divorce!! My sister smokes weed, and my parents have been fighting a lot. I think i am heading in the same direction as you. Well one night, go up to your brother and tell him that if he doesnt stop acting like this he WILL go to military school, and freak him out. When your sister acts up, tell her to stop or shes not going to get dessert or something like that. I know it sounds like you are threatening them, but you have tried so hard and the attempts dont seem to be enough. Again, i am so sorry, and idk what else to say. Tell me how it goes and keep me updated. Hope i helped!
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