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To Lube or Not To Lube?
For those of you with stubborn girlfriends, this goes out to you.
Ok, so I have an incredibly high sex drive. If I have enough energy, sex 3-4 times daily for 20+ minutes is what I'm good for.
Now, my girlfriend's drive matches mine, but unfortunately her vagina just can't keep up. After 15 minutes of sex, she begins to get slightly raw and even has some inflammation of the lower lips. If we have sex 3 times in a day, its possible she won't be able to have sex at all the next day or two until she heals. Also, the anticipation of pain during sex very much decreases her sex drive.
It wasnt always like this. But, not to put too fine a point on it, she doesnt get or stay as wet as she used to. I think that this is probably a large amount of the problem. Not enough lube means she has alot more friction, etc etc.
She also hates lube. Refuses to allow me to bring astroglide anywhere near her.
So, I'm in a bind. We both want to have more sex, and its just not working out very well.
First question, any ideas on talking to her about using lube, convincing her to at least try it?
Second question, any ideas on solving this problem without lube? I can spend time warming her up, but it doesnt make a ton of difference.
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Hello,
Does your girlfriend play with herself? Does she rub her clit in forplay and during intercourse? Has she ever orgasmed on you? IF she's not on meds and her diet or age are not to blame, then maybe she just needs the right kind of stimulation.
Females have good reason to hate astroglide. It loses its lubrication factor shortly after the friction begins. Not only that, it gets sticky and that is a huge turn off.
I had similar problems to your girlfriend. I searched high and low for a good lube. Try a lubricant called wet platinum. Read the label and get the ones that are water based. Some of the lubrications out there do not react kindly to silicone toys and latex.
The water based wet platinum works really well and great clean up after words.
Have you attempted placing the lubricant on the head of your penis before contact with her? Just a small dab on it before intercourse should be just enough to start with and see how long it lasts for you. If her vagina gets to sore, switch to anal sex. Wet platinum works REALLY well for that too.
More important than what you should do to convince your girlfriend to use lube is finding out what the lube does to her when she uses it. She may be allergic to some ingredient in the astroglide.
When we used it with a silicone toy and a condom, it actually created intense heat followed by horrible burning and irritation for days. The condom actually bonded to the dildo and we had to throw it away. So, be careful about the lube you choose and how you use it!
Take care,
-- Stay Honest
P.S. You can contact us by asking us a private qestion requesting that we contact you. We will call you! oe have her call!
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There are a few things to consider right away:
Is she taking birth control? If so, less lubrication is a side effect of the pills, patch and UDIs, switching brands might correct the problem.
Condoms? Female’s natural lubrication is not meant to work with condoms. It simply wasn’t designed to be latex-friendly. Of course I’m not suggesting not using condoms, but again, trying different brands might make a difference and decrease friction. Contrary to logic, once the vagina becomes a bit raw, it actually produces less lubrication not more. It’s the body’s way of saying stop.
Some medications besides the pill can cause dryness, like anti-depressants and some anti-biotics…
Finally, infection and poor bacterial balances: If she isn’t up to date on her PAP smears, she ought to be. Almost all kinds of bacterial infections cause dryness. Having changed soap or shampoo recently might also have an effect.
If you’ve checked all those off the list of possibilities, you are pretty much left with lube.
To my knowledge, there is no other solution without adding some sort of lubrication from outside of her body. Pills, as I’m sure you can easily imagine, are useless scams. Hormone treatments are well, stupid, for a variety of medical reason we don’t really need to go into.
As crude as it sounds: copious amounts of saliva can be helpful, but when all is said and done, a decent lube is simply a god send.
My best advice to you is to approach her with this from a 'we are both concerned about this, let's talk' standpoint and try to understand what exactly her dislike of lubrication stems from.
A women with some bad experiences with cheep, or horrible-smelling/tasting, allergic reaction causing, impossible to clean up and or (god-forbid!) expired lube, has a damn good reason to be gun-shy. Physiological reasons, such as “I should be able to provide this for my partner” are a huge factor in some women rejecting lube as well. The idea of ‘needing’ lube is interpreted as a personal failure, which you can imagine, only increases the stress and difficulty.
It's a decent thing to recall that as a male, you get to wash the lube off and be pretty much done with it. A female gets to re-experience for the next day or so. Even Astroglide can have a morning-after quality some women dislike. Regardless of what lube, if anything, she gets comfortable with, the morning-after experience is something no degree of bathing can really solve. It’s a weird part of the experience women just have to suffering though. Yay for biology and gravity!
So what can you do to convince her? I’m not sure. You seem reasonably intelligent and rational all around, so I won’t insult your intelligent by saying ‘talk to her’.
Hell, you can just show her this if you’d like, because this is what I once told, and now what I’d tell any female friend in her position:
I don’t know you or your body, but I have learned that lube is just like men. There is the good, the bad, and the never-bring-that-crap-near-me-every-again. But like a good man, a good lube is worth doing the hard work to find. You will kiss your share of toads, and you will experience some lousy sensations and absolutely bizarre scents on these journeys, but just as finding a good guy improves your life, finding a good lube can improve your sex life.
Go to a decent, female-friendly, sex store, with or without your partner and tell the slightly exocentric and extroverted person working there what your problems with lube are, and try out three lubes they suggest. Just like you owe it to yourself to kiss a few frogs in search of the prince; you owe it to your relationship to give a rational solution to a mutual problem a fair try.
If you still hate it after three experiments, at least you can say to your partner, and to yourself, that you took the problem seriously, you gave it a serious shot, and you are now are rationally convinced of your position on the mater and not stubbornly opposed. Anything less then a fair try at a reasonable solution is only going to breed resentment.
Even if the experiments are nothing but miserable, when you look at it as either ‘some unpleasant experiments with lube’ or ‘resentful, uncompromising position taken with someone and something important to me’, it because pretty clear that giving it a shot is probably for the best.
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