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high school, being yourself, self esteem [LONG]
15/f
umm so ive been trying to be nicer to people lately, and ive been speaking my mind a lot more recently. however, even though i like the fact that i speak my mind, i dont like the part about how ive been nicer to people. i know crazy right? i feel like im..idk, begging for friends i guess. and this feeling just makes my heart feel kinda heavy with um..regret? regret that i cant just be nice to people and not feel like im begging for friends.. i guess.
and people have been nicer to me lately, even people who i would never expect to be nice [mostly the "semipopular" and "popular" group] and i just feel like..I DONT DESERVE THIS! i dont know why i feel like i dont deserve it. i guess its because i spent 7th-9th grade wanting soo bad to be popular and now that i am actually getting attention from people [girls AND boys] i feel like i dont deserve any of it. like whenever i sense someone trying to be my friend i get excited, then i get turned off like "wow this person must be desparate to want ME as a friend".
now you probably think i have low self-esteem but honestly, i DONT! i think v. highly of myself, its just hard to think that others may think highly of me too, even though it was my goal 7th-9th grade to get others to think highly of me. i think that maybe i just dont like it when people get too close to me. like for example if im really nice to someone i feel like i have to act kinda mean to them the next time i see them, or start ignoring them. i started thinking about it, and i thought maybe this is a case of "i want what i cant have, and i dont want what i do have"? do you agree? and do you have any advice to help me?
i just want to be happy, comfortable, and secure.
thanks for reading
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
i promise u people dont think your begging for them to be friends with you
and im pretty sure people arent begging for you to be friends with them
you've just been being more YOU lately, expressing yourself, and people like that
they mightve never really talked to you before, but now they are really seeing who you are and they're like hey, this girls pretty cool!
also... bascially its like this
if you want them as your friends, you just stop thinking "i dont deserve this" and you just keep being yourself and make the friends and what not
if you relaly just dont like the attention, then your probably a bit antisocial, and go ahead and be a jerk to them because if you do that, they'll think you're just a snob and youll turn them off
k ! <33
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how fun! the high school scenario. :D
well, remember one thing, just because someone is popular, doesnt mean that they are any less human then you are. you put on a pedastal and think of them as Gods and Goddesses (not literally of couse). anyways you need to just be yourself. if you are being nice to people cause you want to, then i dont see why you dont deserve to be liked back. you may not have low self-esteem, but it seems to me that you think they are better than you in some way. everyone is human, we all think, act, eat, die, sleep, get hurt, get angry, and get happy. to gain friends, you need to be open and friendly and always be yourself. because when you start acting like a different person, you'll get all the wrong friends. who will end up only likeing you for someone youre PRETENDING to be and not being yourself. im sure you would rather have friends that love and adore for who you are. one of my favorite quotes in the world is from "The Wicked Jester" t-shirts. on the back of the shirt it says, "I'd rather be hated for who i am, than to be loved for who im not". which is true in my opinon, and its a quote that lives with me. we all want to be "happy, comfortable and secure". i think the only thing that youre going through is that youre still maturing (dont take that the wrong way. im being very respectful and dont mean anything bad by it), and learing on who you are. its a part of growing up, and i think youre just confused because youre still trying to discover yourself. trust me, if im right, then i know what you can do to help youself, cause i have been through this and i already know who i am. i have plenty of time on my hands and when i have nothing to do, i just sit and think. not only that, but i am a future anime/manga artist and i created over 100 characters "just thinking" and being inspired. so i bought some books about discovering your characters. what im trying to say is, do more thinking, try to buy this book. its called:
"What would your Character Do?" by Eric Maisel, Ph.D. and Ann Maisel.
it puts you in situations where its possible to understand yourself better. its $16 dollars plus tax.
i hope i helped. Good luck
Mistress Slipknot
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