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Brother-in-law
My sister "Mary" has been married to her high school boyfriend "Kevin", who is 2 years younger, for almost 2 years, both are in their early 20's. Even before they were married Mary has supported Kevin because he believes that all the jobs that are available for him are beneath him. He is passive aggressive and manipulative to Mary and makes her constantly worry about how she won't upset him, she even goes as far as sitting in her car in front of their house and blows her nose as much as possible (she is very allergic, especially to cats and dogs which he insists they have) because he finds it disgusting when she blows her nose. He loses his garage door opener and car keys so he doesn't have to look for work or visit their daughter in the hospital. About 6 months ago she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl "Grace" who was 3 months premature. Grace is still in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and is progressing wonderfully but requires care that can make some squimish and she will need this care even after she is allowed to go home. Kevin has recently told Mary that the care his daugher needs is gross and he will not learn the care that she needs. Mary responded by telling him that he could leave because her and Grace did not need him. Since this Kevin has only gone to see Grace one other time because Mary forced him, and Mary has noticable stepped up in Graces care (even though she was very good about taking care of Grace before). Despite the obvious problems Mary doesnt really confide this information to our family (Our mother, sister, and I) because before the wedding we expressed our concerns about Kevin, even though especially since Grace was born we have concentrated on Grace and kept our comments about Kevin to ourselves. I know that there isnt much that we can do about the situation but any advice you could extend would help immensly.
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There's not much at all you can do. It's your sister's life. In the end, it's going to be her choices and decisions. Sometimes it's hard to walk away from someone they've been with for so long.
But yeah... Not taking care of his daughter because he thinks it's gross is beyond wrong. I suppose the only thing you can do is talk to your sister about this problem. Ask her about her plans and try to help her see the dead end her husband has become. Anything to let her know that other people can see what type of life style this will lead to. I would try to stay away from accusations towards Kevin or any negativity at all.
I would mostly ask and listen. It might not change anything, but at least it'll help Mary see things a little differently. Having to raise a child and a husband who refuses to become anything else can really wear down someone.
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Well, that guy sounds like a serious jerk. But you are right, there isn't much you can do.
You CAN be there for her. Help her out with the baby. If she needs a means to get away from him, help her out- make sure she and the baby have a place to go. (I'm sure you already know that.)
I can fully understand how it would be difficult to try to give the baby the care she needs. I'm sure she's feeling pretty much at a loss, what with the lack of support from the person who is supposed to be there for her the most.
If I were in her situation, I don't know what I would do. I'm sure I'd feel pretty lost in the world if my husband didn't want to be there for his child in need.
Keep concentrating on that little girl. She needs all the love and support she can get. Your sister does too, especially now.
I know that doesn't help much, but hang in there. I hope your niece does well, and I hope your sister realizes that they both deserve better.
ygs-29/f
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