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ok. my mom found out my bf and i have been having sex. Now she's giving the cnstant guilt trip. I mean, I'm sorry if I hurt her, but the ONLY reason I kept it from her to begin with is because OF this. So what do I do, HOw do I clear that acward feeling?
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You need to be straight up with your mom. Of course she is going to do the whole guilt trip thing, shes your mom for petes sake. Shes just disapointed and its sad to see that her daughter is growing up so fast. Think of it from her perspective. What would you do if you were her? But i suggest if you want all this awkwardness to stop then tell her how you feel and that the reason you didnt tell her was because you knew how she would react.
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Sit down and talk to her about it...She is more than likely sad to see that her daughter is growing up, and possibly upset that you have not discussed it with her. My daughter and I have a very good relationship, she feels that she can talk to me about anything (which she can) If you explain to you mom what is going on you may be able to clear the air around the problem. Rememebr, her daughter having sex has probably been one of her biggest fears since the day you were born, and now she is having to face it.
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No Mum wants to know that their young daughter is having sex. She can only see the heartache and pain that comes with it. My eldest daughter started having sex at the same age and I have to admit to being a little upset about it. However, I did put her on the pill and we talked about the emotional side of things as well as the physical ones.
Put yourself in your Mum's shoes and think about how you feel regarding her sex life. It's one of life's little yukky moments when you realise that your parents had sex to have you.
I know it's a shame that you have had to keep it from her and I admit to doing the same with my parents. (More because of the 'shame' of having sex before marriage!! - I am of that circa). So what can you do about it?
Firstly, always make sure you are using double protection ie. pill and condom. Make sure that the guy is clean and you are not taking any risks. Once you reassure your Mum that you are protecting yourself against pregnancy and STDs etc., you then need to reassure her that you know you will most likely be hurt emotionally when your relationships fall apart. Tell her you need her to be there for you and ask her if you can confide in her if you have problems.
Tell her that you appreciate her concern and you know that things are awkward between you at the moment. Once you acknowledge that you should have told her straight and apologise for keeping her in the dark, things should start to feel normal again. Time will heal the rift. All the best.
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this topic is never going to be normal with any child and parent. it just isn't. time will help, things just need to blow over. let her have her space and you have yours. then when the air clear maybe try explaining that it's your decision to make, and you can't change it and why you didn't want to tell her in the first place. things will be rough for a little while, but they will get better. good luck-godbless.
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