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Effed Up Roommate
So this is my first year of college. Just my luck, I get a roommate that has no life except her boyfriend. He stays in our room for weeks at a time and has no life himself. Mind you, it is against the rule to have boys stay the night in our dorms. I have talked to my roommate about him TWICE. I told her I didn't like that he was here so much and I thought it was fair that he only visited once a month and didn't stay on school nights.
Well we just got back from Christmas break and NOTHING has changed. It pisses me off to no end. I would love to just go tell on her, but #1 I have my boyfriend visit once a semester and I don't want to get in trouble and #2 I don't want to start shit with this girl since I'm going to be forced to live with her until May.
The other night, my roommate and her boyfriend were in the room doing god-knows-what on the top bunk and I was on my bottom bunk talking to my boyfriend on the phone. He could tell I was upset, but I couldn't straight out talk about my roommate without saying their names. So he told me to say #1 to refer to my roommate and #2 to refer to her boyfriend. So we did that. I didn't say anything obvious so that she would know we were talking about her.
Anyway, ever since then she's been really mad at me. I think somehow she knew what I was talking about. She won't even talk to me. I think she's being really immature because she invited her boyfriend up AGAIN. I'm going through a lot right now because my grandpa just had a major surgery and this is NOT something I want to deal with.
Here are my options:
1) Completely confront her and TRY to be calm. Ask her why she's upset and apologize if I have to for not going straight to her with my issues.
2) Move out and get a different roommate (which I'm trying to avoid just to spite her because I know that's what she wants)
3) Just go to my residence life director and tell her everything my roommate did and let her handle the situation.
What do I do? I'm so upset right now.
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Out of your answers, 1 and 2 (in that order) are the best, and #3 should be out of the question, as it violates Rule #1654 of our Order: Cops Always Make Things Worse.
OK, you're the one asking for advice, so here goes. She's not being immature. You're the one saying shit like, "#1, #2" to your bf on the phone. You need to upgrade that shit. She hates you not because you were talking about her but because you didn't respect her enough to at least say her name, much less confront her.
All of this conceals the real problem, though: any school which doesn't allow perfectly healthy young adults to have open sexual relations in their own habitats is a Nazi Facility. You are being treated as the jew was once treated, and it's not right.
Therefore, the official advice of The Order is:
Drop out of school, effective immediately. What you are being taught is far more dangerous than what you think you are being taught.
There is no second choice. No confrontations. No "talking things out". The bold choice is always the Right Choice.
Do not choose wisely, our friend. You have no choice. You must merely act. Now.
EDIT: Let us please revise this answer to your satisfaction:
Oh you poor dear! Please continue to talk about your roommate in secret code with your Once-a-Semester See-I-Have-a-Boyfriend. I'm sure this will make up for all the lost time between you two. Meanwhile, try and just...Make Faces. I'm sure she'll get the hint.
The world has tons and tons and tons of sympathy. For cowards.
Keep that school spirit, girl!!!
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ya, you should ask her what's wrong, if it's what you've done say sorry, and if she keeps on doing what shes doing now to bug you, then do number 3 and find a different roommate, so a lil of all three ^^ good luck
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Do Three. Period.
Stop suffering and at least START the process of having the school deal with this.
If you don't, it's not just you that you are being unfair to, it's anyone else this girl ever ends up living with.
Go to the RD, bawl your eyes out, and beg for help. You've tried to play fair, you've tried to be mature and talk it out, twice now. She's ignored you, disrespected you and now she is trying to bully you! Don't you dare go apologizing to her for talking about her to your boyfriend! You were prefectly entitled to discuss your displeasure with her while she was doing percisely what you asked her not too.
You've tried to be adult, but the mistake you are making is that adults don't do everything all by themselves. They know when to ask for help. And, with all due respect, you aren't an adult quite yet. You are in first year of college and this is what rez is for! Learning to deal with this shit and having people to help you. (It can also be a good time for bitches like her to learn not to pull this shit. Help her learn the lesson please.)
You might have to put up with not having your boyfriend stay for one night in the next four months, but that is probably worth the risk in my opinion (put him up on a friends couch or something, or rent a hotel for romantic value. You could make that work).
Once agian, from the 22 year old girl who has lived in rez, and has had dozen of roommates both in and out of rez IT'S TIME FOR OPTION NUMBER THREE!
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I'd try and handle it yourself.
She's being really rude.
Childish as it may be, don't be silent when they're there. Do what YOU want. If you need to turn the lights on "for a sec," do it.
Explain to her that you're not planning your life around her boyfriend.
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