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Long Distance Relationship..Problem

Question Posted Sunday January 20 2008, 1:50 pm

Well to start off i'm 17/M and my girlfriend is 16/F

About 6 months ago we met online and we liked each other from the start. Around four months later we figured out a way to meet..Which was really hard because I live in Virginia and she lives in Connecticut. So we met at a hockey game for her birthday..Well we really loved each other in person so we decided to go out and figure out a way to make this work for us. Around a month later, during Christmas break, my dad let me take a train to CT to spend a few days with her. Her family liked me and we had the best time ever. The problem is..I had hopes of going to college in CT so I could be closer to her and the distance would no longer be a problem. Well my dad says he wants me to go to a community college down here for a year or two then transfer to a 4-year college, and he said that is the only way he would help me pay for it. Well I would do anything to be closer to her and go to college in CT but my dad said i would have to pay for room-and-board, the out of state tuition, and food, and all the other expenses i would have. I'm not sure how i would be able to do all that on my own..but i would do anything for this girl because i love her so much. And she says she doesn't think she would be able to handle a long distance relationship for another year. Please help me..I don't know what to do and i can't lose her, we're so perfect together and I've never loved anyone like i love her.

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Razhie answered Monday January 21 2008, 1:21 pm:
Man, don't do it.

I have done the post-secondary thing, in Canada, where it is cheeper, and I still could not have done it without my parents assitance unless I went into DEEP DEBT.

That is the ONLY way you will manage this without parental assitance: lots of loans and a few scholarships (hopefully).

I know that you simply can't believe it right now, but the debt you will have to accept in order to do this will haunt you far longer then your broken heart. The risk you are thinking of taking could seriously mess you up for decades in the future.

Save your pennies for train fare, and see if she is willing to give it a try. If not, it wasn't meant to be.

Maybe your dad is being an ass, but he is your dad and it's his money: He's allowed to be an ass and your allowed to going tens of thousands of dollars into debt in order to chase your chickee, I just wouldn't suggest it.

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WittyUsernameHere answered Sunday January 20 2008, 9:22 pm:
Listen to your father. Don't choose a college based on a girl you are dating right now.

Seriously man, I'm sure shes fun and all, but you're 17. School is your first priority. If you and her don't work out then you will have plenty of opportunities for other things.

Don't do something stupid and especially don't burn your bridges with your parents over a girl who you've met in person... twice by my count?

Your father is setting these limits on you in hopes that you realize that trying to move to CT for her is a stupid, stereotypical teenaged move. Be smarter than that for everyone's sake.

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angie91 answered Sunday January 20 2008, 9:15 pm:
First of all, I'm canadian, so I dont know how far CT is from virginia, but I can imagine from what you're saying that its a long ways away. I think that you should listen to your dad though. I know thats not what you want to hear but hear me out. If this girl really loves you, she can handle it for a year. College is really expensive, and you dont want to start your life off with a debt. My parents arent paying for my tuition, and you dont know how worried I am about having to pay for it. If your dad is willing to pay for your community college tuition and you dont have to live in a dorm, then take him up on it!!! I know you're thinking kay, this chick is an idiot, I want her to tell me what to do about seeing my girlfriend!! well heres what you have to do. Get a job. Work your ass off as much as possible and start saving up. Either you'll make enough to eventually move out there, or at least have enough to visit, but college is a big deal. dont screw it up. I know you may think that you will be together for ever, but if you move out there and you break up, then you're screwed. and on the same boat, if you dont move out there and you're scared she'll break up with you because of it, if it was meant to be your love would last through it.
Some people dont believe in long distance relationships, but I do. I think that if you find the right people then you can make it work. But remember, you're still young, if it doesnt work out ( :( ) well you have the rest of your life to find a great girl who it will work out with. But try and think seriously. This is your life you're talking about. Dont screw it up. Listen to your dad okay, I'm sure he knows what you're going through, but I'm also sure that he knows whats best for you. I know this isnt what you wanted to hear, but hopefully you made it through this advice and take what I said into concideration. I hope you figure this all out, and I hope you dont hate me for my advice. Good luck with all of this, and I hope I helped. Love ya!

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Marizzle answered Sunday January 20 2008, 9:04 pm:
I have gone through this myself.

I can see both sides of the story, your dads and your *girlfriends?*

But the first points I will pick up on is, she says she doesn't think she would be able to handle a long distance relationship for another year & he said that is the only way he would help me pay for it.
Well for a start if she loves you this much then its the simple story of she will wait for you. I know its hard, VERY hard but she will wait.
And as for your father, he should encourage you to study and put your life onto education for the time being, and if the only way you will do that is if he can help with the costs for you to go to CC then he should do it.

However, in my opinion, you should focus on your studies more so than your love life, your education only comes once to a certain degree, and you only have that opportunity once to make something of yourself, whereas love comes and goes.

I really do sympathise with the long dist. relationship cos I know what its like, but the only way I got over it was to believe he would wait for me. Unfortuneatley for me he didnt.

So underlining this I would suggest talking to her and seeing if she loves you enough to wait, and if she will then focus on convincing your father to help you with costs, if he really disagrees, I suggest you go along with him, and ask your partner to wait for you.

Good luck <3Marizzle

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