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Changing "groups?"
Let me start this off by saying that I'm a very shy person. Always have been, always will be. Throughout school I've always had to push myself to talk to people. I'm not the most popular person ever but I'm not completely friendless. Let's just say that I've always had one close-knit "group" of friends that I go out with and stuff and a number of not-as-close friends that are more like... acquaintances, I guess.
But it's actually kind of weird with me... being a teenager, friendships do come and go as I get older and I tend to change "groups" a lot. I've been hanging out with the same group of friends since the beginning of ninth grade, and it's the second semester of tenth now. We were really close last year, but I've always been closest to my one friend and the other two not as much. We were always doing stuff together and I would hang out with them, but I felt like the one girl I was closest with was like the "glue" that was keeping me in the group because without her it's kind of awkward. She's the one who brings us all together, but over the summer even I've drifted away from her and especially from the two other people. We're still friends, but when we're without that girl that I'm closest with it's like we're strangers, almost. And they're totally different from me... I feel so out of place with them.
Now, she's moving to another school. Bottom line is, I think this is happening for a reason because our friendship was dissolving anyway... I was only with that "group" for the security of having people to talk to and hang out with.
But my REAL QUESTION is... my other friend that I've known since eighth grade is someone I genuinely do enjoy hanging out with. We have a lot of the same interests and everything. But, of course, everyone has their own separate group and I don't really know any of her friends. We've always been pretty good friends but we've never hung out with the same people before. They seem like fairly nice people but since I'm so shy I have no idea to... well, "inch" my way into their group. I would like to start hanging out with her friends sometimes and doing stuff with them, but I have no idea how. Would it be weird to ask her if I can hang out with them sometimes? Or should I just... walk up? I'm a creature of habit so I'm terrified of trying new things. Please help. Sorry this was so long.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
well, i think the best way would be to first of talk to them. when you see them in the hallway, smile say hi, ask about their day. also invite them to a movie. this will be easier. dont invite them too often, but sometimes. the best way would be to ease yourslf in and not barge in. give them time to like you and accept you. before you know it you will have somereally good friends.
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Assuming that this is a nice group that you are wanting to become part of... I don't think it would be a problem for you to just start joining in. For example, if they are sitting in the hallway just walk up and politely ask "may I sit with you?" If they are worth your friendship they will welcome you. You could then participate in their conversation. If they are discussing something that had happened at school or a new movie or something, put your two cents in. If someone has something or is wearing something you like... compliment it. You could even suggest that you all get together. This could be something like, "hey, lets all meet up at the mall at 11 on Saturday. We could walk around, get lunch..." or meet up to see a new movie and then go out to eat before or after the movie. You could even invite them over to your house for a pizza and movie night... or whatever kinds of things you and they enjoy. If they start discussing something in front of you about hanging out, see if they are making eye contact with you and including you. I would think if they didn't want you they would discuss this outting in private where people they weren't including couldn't participate. If they are making it clear that you are all to do something... then go with it... participate in the planning.
Most of all, take this at your own pace. Just start small with sitting with them at lunch, or talking with them while you wait for your bus in the afternoon... whatever. I think you may find that if the group is WORTH your friendship, it will be fairly easy for you just to slip right into the groove of things and start having fun. If these people are not that friendly and open... they really aren't worth the time of day.
Best of luck.
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