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unfaithful parent
my dad is cheating on my mom, but it seems like she doesn't know. i've known for a few years; i was 12 when i first stumbled upon my dad's emails to someone. i'm 15 now, and i still don't know who she is, but i think it's becoming more serious. i saw him on a cellphone company's site, and i know that we don't use that company, so i think he has another cell that he uses with her, or maybe he's paying her bill for her. also, the other day i saw that he saved the Coach site on his favorites, and i wondered why, because he and my mom are always insisting that designer items aren't always the best. then last night, i saw him writing out checks for bills and i commented that it seems so boring to do that, so i picked the bill up and i saw that he'd paid $176 for something from the Coach site. it was bought about 3 weeks ago, and i'm positive that it's not for me or my mom because she'd be mad if he "spoiled" me with it, and she wouldn't want it anyway. there's been so much proof already that i'm willing to bet my life that he's cheating. my problem now is that i don't know how to tell my mom. i don't even want to tell her, because i don't know what i'd do if they got divorced. i broke up with my boyfriend last summer and i spent so many months depressed, even to the point of cutting myself at times. i don't think i can survive if they split; i'm an only child, and i've always relied on them for support. and after i find out these stupid damn things that he's doing, i wish that i didn't know because it hurts me insanely. my mom works so hard to keep this family happy and this is how my dad repays her? i get so angry when i see him, but no matter what, he's still my dad, and eventually i feel guilty for being angry. also, i don't know if i should confront him about this. he might get mad at me for being too nosy. i'm just so confused and hurt and angry at everything. none of my aunts and uncles have problems like this; they're all so loving with each other. i just can't stand my dad doing this!!! please help me. and i'm sorry this was so long.
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I am so sorry to hear that you are such an awful dilemma. Unless you are absolutely 100% sure that your Dad is being unfaithful, I don't suggest telling your Mum.
It also might seem like a good idea to ignore what appears to be going on. However, the best thing I can suggest is to say to your Dad that you feel he does not appear to be completely happy at home and is there anything that you can do to help him. He will probably deny that anything is wrong or that he is doing anything untoward. It is a very difficult situation for you to be in and I would urge caution at all times. I wish that I could give you an answer that will solve all your problems, but I cannot. Your parents have to live their own lives even if it does affect you directly. Your Mum may or may not be aware that something is going on but it is not your place to tell her unless she is in imminent danger of being hurt.
You should however confide in someone that you totally trust. For instance a teacher, school counsellor, your preacher or an aunt/uncle that you can talk to and voice your concerns in a safe way. Make sure that they realise what you tell them is in total confidence and not to be shared with anyone else.
If you feel that it is all getting too much for you to bear alone, even if you have tried talking it through with another person, ask your Dad if you could have a confidential chat with him about your concerns. If he is not being unfaithful, you can apologise for doubting him, and if he is playing around, tell him that you cannot keep his secret and if he does not tell your Mum, you will have to let her know. (Please use that threat with extreme caution if it comes to it).
I hope that by talking it through with me you are able to see that there is always someone to listen to your concerns and will try to help if they can. Please don't try to deal with this alone and if possible, talk to your school counsellor. I wish you all the very best.
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