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How do I not let it get to me?
Alright. Very long story short--a girl that has been one of my best friends for about a year has turned extremely sour towards me. I've tried very hard to rectify the situation. It's not going to get fixed. I've accepted this. I'm not looking for advice on how to fix it.
Here's my problem: Not only do we go to a tiny boarding school in the middle of nowhere and live in the same building together, we share one of our really good friends. (In fact, it used to be that the three of us were really good friends.) We'll call the sour friend "Sarah" and the mutual friend "Anna".
Anna and I are roomates. Sarah does this thing where she'll come into the room and start chatting amicably with Anna and making a point of talking to Anna and not me, and inviting Anna to do stuff just so she can make a point of not inviting me. She does this as well as many other passive-aggressive things of the sort in order to try to make me feel excluded/one-upped/etc. I know that this is not going to change. I've come to the conclusion that trying to rectify things with her is a waste of energy. (It will not happen.)
I no longer am upset by this, but rather, I am extremely perturbed at her passive-aggressive behavior and exclusion attempts. I feel that by being this enraged about these little things she does, I'm letting her win. I do not instigate these scenarios, but for once the "ignore it and it wil go away" thing does not work. So, my question is this: How can I make these things NOT get to me? What can I do to ensure that I finally let go of that anger towards these actions? How can I stop letting her get under my skin?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You have to keep reminding yourself that she WANTS you to let it get under your skin. That's why she keeps doing it.
She probably wants you to feel like Anna likes her more since she goes out of her way to do this.
You are very right. By letting it get to you, you are letting her win. You are giving her satisfaction she doesn't deserve.
It's hard to let go of it, but you have to realize you owe it to yourself to do just that. It will probably take some time and effort to let it roll off your back, but it is worth it to work on it.
You know Anna is your friend, and Sarah can't change that. She is Sarah's friend too, you can't change that.
You have to remember that you are above her actions, because you don't use a friend you care about as a pawn to hurt someone you don't.
I don't know if that helps, but hang in there.
ygs-29/f
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Hello,
Firstly you need to chill a little bit and have a look at your situation, you need to speak with both friends together and question whats changed? If thats not the case then maybe speaking with Anna and saying something like you need to rest/tired ect..and you would appreciate if no-one came burstig into your room tonight ect..but the truth and questioning is the only way you will get to the bottom of the change. Also try letting things that dont affect you greatly go over your head.
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