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Building a relationship after post traumatic stress
I will try to make this as short as possible.I'm a thirty year old female.........Five years ago, I met a man online and we fell in love but he was afraid of commitment at the time and kept going back and forth about what he wanted. I didnt hear from him for about a month and moved on. Then he calls me up and tells me that he is ready to commit, but I had already moved on and told him that I couldn't just end my relationship like that even though I never denied that I loved him deeply. He felt that I betrayed him and he was very hurt. We didn't talk for a while but eventurally we started talking again...and we have tried and gotten closer over the years. He has been through a lot in his life and has some issues because of some of those things. I ended up moving to his city about two years ago and soon after he had a bad car accident which made his issues even worse. He already feels as though every one he loves, he loses and he feels as though he might die because he has migraines and nose bleeds that he thinks may be from an anuerism but he's scared to go to the doctor. While he was getting better we talked about being together and having a baby..possible moving..etc..although we were not together. Then his mother died and he was devasted...on top of everything else that has happened and he has become almost completely emotionally detached from everyone and everything... He is very intelligent and knows that he has issues...he says he sees his mother lying in the floor and giving him her last breath and he can't stand for anyone to touch him and he has hardly goes out of the house. After him mother died, he was left with all of the bills and the house and so shortly after my son and I moved in with him..We sleep in seperate rooms and we are rarely intimate. He says he loves me, but that he can't be in love with anyone right now. He tells me that I should know that I'm special and that once he gets himself together we will work on us. I have now been here about 9 months. At first I didn't believe that he had all of these issues, but I have seen that he really is messed up...I love him with all of my heart and I feel that when he's not being depressed he is a good male influence on my son. I get mad and tired of waiting and everytime I turn around I feel like I should just leave and let him deal with this stuff on his own. but because I told him when I moved in that part of the reason I moved in with him is because I wanted to know if we could be together...now he is very clear with me that if I leave, there will be nothing left in him emotionally...and I only want to leave because I just don't want to deal with everything between now and whenever he gets himself together...I mean I have been waiting for years as it is....but I love him and everytime I think about leaving I feel like it would be the end of my life.....I love and adore this man even though we are not as intimate as I really need him to be at least a little bit to be happy. I need him to be affectionate with me and he can't because everytime anyone touches him he freaks out....I see him try sometimes and I appreciate it, I need to be held sometimes....he has even told me to go find someone to "fill in" emotionally for me until he gets over his issues. I get upset and I don't know what kind of advice I'm even looking for here......but I WILL appreciate any advice that anyone has.
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Sounds like a rough situation.
Listen- He is a good influence on your son when he is in good spirits, but how often is that, and what is the influence on your son when he isn't in good spirits?
I know you love him and you don't want to leave him, but to be quite honest, it may be in your son's best interest for you to move out until he gets his life in order.
He won't be left with nothing emotionally if you leave, because you can try to move nearby. Even if you can't be nearby, you can still be there for him.
Don't think of it as bailing out on him, or your relationship- think of it as doing what is best for your boy.
A sad and depressed environment will effect your son, especially as depressed as your boyfriend is.
And just because you don't live under the same roof doesn't mean your relationship won't work out in the long run.
At this time, he just can't be what you need, nor can he be what your son needs.
I know you don't want to leave, you feel it would be the end of the world for you, but you can't think of your own wants when a child is involved. Not when what you want potentially holds negative effects on the child.
As for your guy's headaches and nose bleeds, he needs to go to the doctor. I know he doesn't want to, but he could have something that is treatable. If he has an aneurysm, without treatment, it can burst and be fatal.
If he isn't seeking therapy for his depression, he needs to. It would be good for him, especially if he is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A therapist can help him face his issues, deal with them, and move on from them.
He has to be able to be able to get past his issues before he can be involved in a healthy relationship with you or your son.
It's not that he doesn't want a healthy relationship with you, it's just that he can't do it at this time.
Basically, you need to put your own feelings aside in order to do the right thing for your son. He needs for you to provide a healthy living environment for him. I know that you know already that he comes first- over you and your boyfriend's needs.
ygs-29/f
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I think you both need to sit down and talk. I mean really talk. It seems like he is trying to keep you there with guilt by telling you that if you leave, there will be nothing else left in him emotionally. From what you say, it seems as if he hardly has anything as it is. The relationship you want may never come around if he doesn't make an attempt. It seems that you are the only one trying here. He says he will lose what emotions he has left if you leave? Well, how about the emotional trouble you are having by staying. If he thinks he is dying, you should tell him to see a doctor because it's too hard for you to stay when he seems like he isn't really trying to fix himself so you two can work on you together. What does he expect you to do? Sit around and wait until he decides "HE'S" ready? Think about your son too. He may think it's ok to push people away who try to help him. This man is not only in your life, but your son's life as well. It isn't fair to put yourself through this if he isn't willing to try to work on it. I hope I helped.
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wow lady first of all this thing is too long so i couldent read it all and YOUR 30 WOW YOUR OLD
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