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fucked up shit
Alright this is probably the most random format I've ever gone about choosing to try and fucking get some help from an oustider who may actually see the situation more clearly then I do.
My first love and I dated for a year and he has a pretty serious drug problem and recently he moved away to Egypt to live with his dad and go through rehab and such, and so I was under the impression we were over atleast while he was gone (even though we've been strained for a long time and the relationship hasnt gotten any easier I'm still very much so in love of him, or I LOVE him maybe not in love.)
So anyone when I was driving him to the airport he made it clear that he knew i was going to want to live my life the way I would if he wasn't a part of my life because its easier that way while hes gone, and so I thought we had an understanding and I agreed to do so but to be completly honest.
So hes been gone for about a week or so and I'm already "hanging out" and getting relatively close to this other guy, hes totally the opposite of my prior boyfriend. He doesnt do drugs, is very goal oriented and follows through..although I'm not overwhelmingly interested in what he has to say alot of the time but he does make me feel good and he obviously wants to help me with my fucked up shit. He seems like someone who could take care of me which is really what I need, and he was clear from the beginning he didnt nessesarily want a "relationship" so is it so wrong that in some respects he feels like a space holder for my ex and i'm just waiting for my ex to get back. I dont honestly think thats how I'm going to go about things and in some ways I dont think my ex is coming back so I'm just trying to ease the blow when I finally find out.
I dont know.
Fuck.
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Well my dear, that most certianlly sounds like a delimea.
I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend, I imagine that has to be really hard for both you and him alike. I know this might sound extremely out of place but I think right now, that might be the best postion for both of you.
Think about it, he's in a more conservative environment receiving the help he needs (because people involved with drugs do need it, trust me, I have friends who have gone through rehab and it does work). Drugs are no good to anyone. They hurt not only himself but the people around him as well. Plus, this gives you some time to clear your head, see other people, and live a life free of that problem for awhile. :)
Now, in the matter of your new boyfriend. From an outside perspective, this guy does seem very genuine. It takes alot of mental patience to tackle a new relationship, especially one involving a previous history of drugs. He sounds very admirable, and you should feel lucky to have a guy like that around to keep your ahead above water.
Now, does it seem like this guy is a new love interest? It depends on what you want it to be. Think about it. Do you honestely feel your ready to start a new relationship already? Unless you really didn't want to be with your old boyfriend, I think not. It sounds to me like your not quite ready to let him go, and just using this new guy to help get through this time a little easier.
Is that ultimatley a bad thing? No. Because at lesat its giving you a positive outlet to release your thoughts and emotions. You also said he initially said that he wasn't looking for a rel, which is good because it means you 2 are on the same page. He isn't wanting you in that way, and you don't either. So as of now, its perfectly alright!
Now what the future holds can be a different story. I think what needs to happend is for you 2 to sit down and ask yourselves, how far do we want this to go? Tell him your not ready to move on just yet, and would prefer him just as a good friend until your ready (if you ever do decide to pick him over your ex), that way he knows how you feel and you can decide how to move forward together.
:) Hope that helped!
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