|
boyfriend never wants to get married
Hi, I'm 19 years and I have been with my boyfriend for close to a year now. We love each other very much but we disagree on the idea of marriage. He thinks its just a security blanket for many people and being with one person forever and having kids (without the legal bond) could be just as fulfilling. But for me, it is a bond that causes two people to work hard for the relationship, it is respected and all kids want their parents to be married. Is it smart to sustain a relationship where 2 people disagree on something so important? I know were stil young but a few years down the line if someone doesn't change their mind, it would be that much harder to let go. I'm very confused about this. I don't want to be someone's girlfriend forever but I don't want to break up! Please help
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I say, if there's nothing wrong with the relationship right now, you don't have to break it off. It sounds like you're not ready for marriage at the moment anyway, and you're enjoying the relationship. However, if you definitely want to be married (in general, like if this is something you want out of life) when you're, say, twenty-three, this might be a bigger deal. Nothing good is going to come from fighting over it or trying to force your ideas on each other, so if that starts to happen, break it off. I think you two could benefit from further discussion. Explore your options and see if you can't make a compromise. For instance, there are families in which two people are not legally married, but live together and behave as a married couple. They might call each other husband and wife, or "Significant Others", but I don't think that after that long a time they usually call each other boyfriend and girlfriend . Real life example: my father's cousin is not married to her significant other, but they have had children together, and those children grew into happy, normally adjusted adults with families of their own. I'm not trying to convince you one way or the other, that's just something I've seen personally that you might be able to take into consideration. Also, depending on where you live, two people can live together for a certain amount of time and have a Common Law Marriage, which even though it didn't involve getting a marriage license, is still recognized as a legal marriage. Even in a Common Law Marriage, you would still have spousal privilege (that is, the right not to testify against your spouse) in court. But there are good things about your point of view as well. I do think it's possible to overcome the difference in thinking, if you both try hard enough to compromise. But if you are both completely set in your ways, then no, this is too big a part of the relationship, and you should break it off, just not immediately. Think about it for a good long time first!
]
Well then if you love him and he loves you well then he should understand that you really want to get married if not be now but later down the road and see you just have to think if you really feel that you want to be married and then have kids well you need to sit down with him and really truely ask him if he truely loves you and ask if he feels that even a little strongly about getting married to you and if he doesnt then maybe you should think about not breaking up with him but see other people and then if you find someone that you think youll go better with then fine but maybe hell see that you feel strongly about it and think about it and just put your heart into everything before you say anything to him.
]
It might be that he is trying to subtly tell you that he isn't ready for marriage, yet.
It doesn't seem like you want to marry him at this moment, so have you tried telling him both that and your views on the subject?
You should ask yourself, though. Would you be happy with him, with kids, if you never got married?
Part of relationships, love, and all that is learning to compromise.
Think of something he might agree to, like that in 5 or so years (i know it's quite a while, but you're planning on spending the rest of your life with him) if you're still happily together, you should try getting married. Maybe something like when you have kids.
I hope you can find something in there that'll help your situation- there's nothing wrong with having differences. :]
]
Unless one of you changes your mind, on the path you're going, you just may be someone's girlfriend forever. I'm not going to try to convince you what marriage is or isn't, because that's your opinion entirely. Explain to your boyfriend just how important it is to you- just how much it means. Unless he is completely against it for some reason [rather than just not seeing the point] then he should be willing to compromise. But, on the other hand, you can't force someone into marriage these days, and if you do alot of unhappiness will come from it later. You aren't even twenty yet- give it time, or give it up. One of you isn't going to change their mind, so the other one has to.
:/ sorry.
]
More Questions: |