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Should I tell her?
Hi,
I really need some advice!
I met Claire two years ago, we became really good friends! We both had problems with our partners at the time (hers much, much worse than mine) so we confided each other and helped each other through it.
My boyfriend at the time really idolized her Husband (he's famous in the motor industry)I actually contacted them when I found out that he lived down the street. My boyfriend told me weeks before he'd seen this guy round town and was really star struck by him. I wrote a letter inviting them to a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend and left a present for their child. As I posted the letter they turned up and friendships were made from there..............................
As we were all English and in a new country we bonded really well. My boyfriend changed he started becoming a complete idiot and kissed her Husbands arse! Nobody could belive how much my boyfriend had changed, me especially. Whom was this person? It got to the point where I didn't recognize him anymore he had changed he was imitating her Husband. I thought we had problems before he came on the scene it was nothing compared to what was to follow. Their friendship was a big problem in our relationship. I got to the lowest point after being bullied and treated like crap for months, my health was bad and I lost allot of weight. Claire would tell me to leave him, I thought it was a faze and he would return to normal and realize he had been a complete idiot after all we had a great relationship for 18 month until this point.
He gave me HPV and I forgave him, and forgive him putting off my much needed surgery (as I said-my lowest point)for his needs. When I went to the doctors he diagnosed with Strep due to stress I ended the relationship that day, he was the only stress I had, I finally come to my senses! Claire could not belive the change in me, I was back to my old self not the dithering mess I'd become.
Not too long after my split Claire became that dithering mess, he bullied her in every sense of the way she was a wreck when I last saw her and so was their child. I had never seen her so low, wow! She had become the same person I was. We talked for hours and I told her she has to do what's best for her and her daughter. She wasn't eating, sleeping, she was a mess! She suspected him cheating. They went back to England and went to Counseling and things seemed to get a little better. They had good days and bad days though mostly bad which was a huge improvement to all bad. That's the way Claire seen it anyway.
My boyfriend at the time told me a secret about two months into our friendship with Claire he told me that Steve had been sleeping with lots of woman before he married (Claire had been with him for seven years before they married). I was in shock though not really, he had passed some choice comments in front of me and was a very, very arrogant man. The more Kathryn and I got close and accused him of having affairs the more I thought about the secret. Should I tell her? Should I forget it? I have told a friend before about her boyfriend cheating and lost her. So I felt like a liar, a cheat and now selfish. I chose to put it to the back of my mind. The sad thing about it is that if Claire knew it was happening to me she would tell me, I guarantee! I have trusted her with thing I haven't told any other soul as she has me. She told me things that if I repeated would destroy her Marriage. That's how strong of a friendship we have and how much trust we have in each other.
Claire is back in England with her husband, she just found out she is pregnant with her second child.(one of there biggest problems when I met them, she wanted another, he didn't)
I got a Voicemail from Claire this morning, she was really upset and said that she caught her husband in a very compromising situation last week. He left her and told everybody that he's left her as she is annoying him!?!?!? I know if he wants to get back with her he will manipulate the situation and she will belive him and makeup excuses for him, she justify's his usual behavior with depression, stress, and the latest Bi Polar disorder. I just think he's a narcissistic nasty excuse for a man whom treats his wife and daughter like crap.
My problem is I really don't know what to do I have been racked with guilt for the last year now and with the present situation I'm leaning toward telling her so she can finally rid him from her and her child's life. They both deserve much, much more. I really don't know what to do? I don't know if I'm being selfish by telling or I'm trying to rid myself of the guilt. I know it will hurt her allot, does she need to know?
Because of who he is I can't talk to anyone about this? Please, please help
Should I tell her or bury it again and live with the guilt?
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I think you should tell her,it will be good for you and her! Her confidence right now is probably low as her husband is blaming her for leaving,she probably does feel at fault for the marriage failing she needs to know that it is not her fault that he is the one in the wrong and she should leave him and give her and her daughter a better life, she already found him in a compromising position...That in itself is a queue to leave him and start a better life for her children.
Then she might be upset that you didn't tell her earlier, but just explain why you didn't want to, tell her you were scared you would loose her. Make it abundantly clear that you are there for her and that she is better off with out him.
Good luck!
I sincerely hope this works out!
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Wow! Seems like you've been through a lot with your boyfriend and especially with Claire. From what i've read you to have confided a lot with each other and it seems you too have a lot of trust in each other. You mentioned that if it was her in the situation of knowing the secret that your boyfriend cheated on you she would tell you so i believe it would be only fair to tell her. Claire being pregnant with her second child to this man may add more complications to telling her. You say that your feeling guilty and have been for a year i can imagine that this secret would be eating away at you inside and causing you unhealthy emotional and mental behaviours. I think that it would be in your own best interest to tell her. She may b upset at the fact that you haven't told her earlier so be prepared for that. You need to be there to support her after you tell her too. Its best that she knows, being in this sort of relationship is seemingly causing her damage both physically, emotionally and mentally. If you bury it much longer you may start distancing from her due to your guilty conscious. You need to tell her:)
Good Luck xx
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