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I'm her friend... when she needs or wants something!
Hi I'm Tina and I'm 22 years old. Recently (well, for the past 4 months or so) I have been having an issue with my friend, who is also my roommate. She is currently in a relationship, and she usually stays with her boyfriend (she'll come back to pick up clothes and whatnot), and that's totally fine, but I have been feeling very aggravated because she only calls when she needs something, makes plans and breaks them (for him), and pretty much has adopted HIS friends as her new friends, completely leaving behind her old friends. She calls about once every other week, but ALWAYS, without exception, it's because she wants something, she even adopts a "baby voice" to seem sweet and friendly, but now it seems so hypocritical and fake. I have been hoping that she'll prove me wrong, and that one day she would call just for a friendly conversation, and not because she needs yet ANOTHER favor, but it always ends in "sooo I was calling you because i need..." To top things off, she recently had a serious crisis with her boyfriend, and I was there to help her out, but after she "mended" the relationship, she went back to being, her same old "I need" self. Is it wrong for me to feel so angry? How should I approach her about this? My patience is growing very thin... thank you!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It is definitly not wrong for you to be angry with her; I would be upset too!
The best way to handle this is to come straight out and say something. Next time she calls you because she needs something tell her how you feel when she does that. Tell her that you think it isn't right for you to always be there for her and for her not to reciprocate. Life isn't always fair, but you should never have to put up with a "friend" like her. I understand that her being your roomate makes it a lot harder and worst case senario is that you two may have to separate and find different homes if you can afford it.
Tell her that you love that she happy with her boyfriend but that you resent her for only calling you when she needs something. What you are experiencing is not a friendship, it is one person using another. It's not right and there is absolutely no reason you should put up with it. The only way she is going to know is if you tell her. In her mind she may not realize or know that she is doing anything wrong and won't know until you set her straight.
Give her a call and tell her that you would like to talk face to face. Talks such as this one are better when the two people are face to face.
Tell her kindly how you feel and that you would like it if things changed for the better.
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Let me know how it goes.
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