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Boyfriend doesn't want to have sex
23/f
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. I feel very positive about our relationship now, however it has been quite rocky in the past. However, despite having had difficult times and many arguments, we have always had pretty good sex (and a lot of it). It was average at times, but at other times it was mind-blowing, better than I've ever had before.
Then the following occurred about two weeks ago:
(1) I broke up with him because I felt we argued too much and it was making us both unhappy.
(2) Four days later we were back together. We had missed each other horribly and I felt breaking up had been a mistake.
(3) Ever since, he has had BIG impotency problems. He has issues getting an erection (no matter how sexy I try to be!) and loses it very quickly when he does get it. Even handjobs and blowjobs only get him hard for a couple of seconds before he is totally soft again, so no chance of sex anytime soon (it's like playing pool with a rope, right?!)
So, I love him, and I love sex, and I want more than anything to be intimate with him, but it just isn't happening! Majorly frustrating. I questioned him about it gently and he said he has just been tired and stressed. But I find this very suspicious: his life has not changed remarkably since we first got together, and he has a very laidback job. I can only conclude that he is (a) not attracted to be anymore (he assures me this is not the case), (b) cheating on me and feels guilty thus removing his desire to have sex with me, (c) has physical problems that he should get seen to, or (d) really is stressed and tired.
I'm going out of my mind because I don't know what to do. If I talk to him about it, I think it might make him feel even worse. But if I say nothing, I'm thinking about (a) and (b) above and driving myself nuts.
Suggestions would be very much appreciated!
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
1. Impotency: This is a huge hint from God that you shouldn't be having sex outside of marriage. He probably feels guilty. You should also feel guilty.
2. Real love waits. He might not be the man for you. Make friends with guys you want to be with and then date them.
3. Be careful of who you date: Some guys are thugs and some are real men. Ignore the thugs. They have nothing going for them. A real man is: 1. Making more than 20k a year.
2. A manager or other professional type.
3. A Christian and is active in his church.
The professionals aren't into the same junk the blue-collar crowd is into. (mostly)
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He on any new medication or doing drugs? Ask, don't assume no.
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To be honest, if I was in your situation..I'd put sex aside for a little while and focus on the fact the reason this may be happening is because what has happened recently has made him insecure.
I know your libido will be craving sexual activity but you need to consider the other reasons this could be happening to him other than the reasons he's giving you.
His reasons ARE genuine -however, I dont think the amount of times this has happened to him (and you) can be the exact same reason all of the time.
If he has other things on his mind (especially anxiey) when youre trying to be intimate with ech other, it's no wonder he becomes flacid quickly as guys do need to concentrate almost as much as women do during sexual activity.
I'd keep reassuring him that you know it was a mistake and tell him how you genuinly feel for him.
If this is the reason it may take a while as he may be scared you'll do this again (Unfortunatley I was like this with my EX)
But if you convince him, he'll believe you, just give him some time :)
If it's not this case, and if the impotence is continuing for another few weeks, I would definitely contemplate making an appointment to see someone about this.
In the meanwhile, check out this site which explains erectile disfunctions etc:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It should have everything you need to know.
It may be something as simple as him having a poor diet! (lack of goodness and proper nutrituin causes this...) and it is very common in males for this reason.
I dont think he'd be cheating on you..or if he was, he wouldnt have gotten back together with you, and (if he is worred about your relationship status) it wouldnt affect him.
You said you love him, and sex... so act on the first fact and dont be angry because of the impotence. No matter how fustrating it is!!
(Plus, there's nothing to stop him giving you pleasure in the meantime anyway!)
Dont get yourself wound up about this. there are loads of reasons (as the site wil assure you0 and wont get any of you anywhere!
DO talk to him,Sex is a big part of a relationship,. and for you ro both be lacking this at the moment is probably affecting him too ( OBVIOUSLY!) . Make sure youre understanding, listen to him, but if he doesnt want to talk about it, show him affection and say that youre ready to talk about anything if there is someting bothering him when he's ready.
Just dont intensely grill him!! haha
I hope your sex life and relationship status improves soon :)
Take care, i hope this helped
- Alex.
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