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Oppresive Parents
My friend is turning 20 in December and is in college. He is a good boy, doesn't do drugs, drinks socially but not excessively, and really is just a great person. He still lives at home with his parents because he is in school, but they are trying to control everything in his life and saying he is a disappointment and a bad kid when really he is not. He tries to make them happy and to please them but nothing he does works and they won't listen to any form of logic. They now have neighbors reporting to them when he has people come over to the house. He wants to leave but he has no where to go and cannot afford to live on his own. He just want to be able to live his own life and have them be happy but they won't allow that. Does anyone have any advice for him, because all I've been able to do is just listen to him.
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You sound like a great friend. Look at financial aid options as well as student loans that will cover school and board. If he gets it, he can move out for a while, then find a job to try living on his own.
It might be really tough now; what worked for me was looking at my options out. Look at the rent for houses, job opportunities, part-time, at the campus. Ask him about what he thinks about doing, etc, and maybe he can go overseas for an internship or something. Going away for a while might change his take on things, and the attitude at home.
P.S It is really great you are trying to help him, but ultimately, the decision's up to him. You aren't solely responsible for him, or his happiness.
Take care
Good luck, Durga
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Yes i was informed about the car rental age last week...and its totally pathteic!
Anyway, sorry this wasnt original enough advice!! :S I really hope something saves him soon :(
No problem for helping!
Both take care :)
-Alex
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wow, i know exactly how you feel for this guy... my friend had a similar situation himself, but now he's away at university so he's fine now!
My mum said that he was welcome to stay at our place whenever if he felt the need to escape, so if you live with your parents/guardian/partner or whoever and it isnt too much trouble, maybe you could ask if it was ok every once in a while if he could escape and stay the night at yours?
i know a night isn't enough though.
Has he any other relatives who live close to home..or any relatives at all that he could consider asking to stay at for a while ?
I take it you're American seeing as this guy is almost 20 and is at COLLEGE..(here in England university is the equivilent to that)... so if he is at "university" is there any form of accomidation he could consider?
He could tell his parents it's a chance to "become more independant" - by living on his own (at a moderatley affordable price).
Does this guy have any form of job , or not as it would interfere with college?
If he does, couldnt he and some friends plan to save some money to afford an appartment or something similar?
It may be worth him asking a guidance counceller at his collge, or soomeone with a similar job position who MUST help other people with these sorts of situations from time to time.
I know he cant help the parents situation..if they havent accepted his maturity by now, they never will, so the sooner he leaves the better.
They mst be incredibly inconsiderate peopole, and to do this to their own son is ridiculous!
However, one day he may be able to stand up to them, tell them exactly how he feels and they'll be left in shock.
My friend never did this because he was so laid back (luckily) but we were all telling him he needs to confront them about his feelings.
If they are as ignorant as they sound, confonting them will not do anyting.
In the UK if youre 18 its classed as an adult... i think it may be 21 in the USA but to be honest, if youre not a teen anymore, youre an adult, and his parents have to treat him as one which includes letting him negotiate in a mature manner... which by the sound of it he's attempted already.
he may just have to ignore them and do what is best for him, after all..you have to work for things in life, and you have to mould it the way YOU want it. you have the right to be selfish sometimes..and this is a situation where he needs to be..and he needs to do what is best for him, and what is best for HIS future.
I think its a control issue with the parents..if he proves he has control over his OWN life, they will slowly accept it.
This is a really horrible situation and i hope i've helped somehow..though most of it seems obvious , and youve probably thought of these options already :(
Best of luck to you and your friend!
- Alex
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