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Erectile Dysfunction?
Hey my name is Tyler.
I love my gf a lot and we tried to have sex...I lost my erection in the middle of it. And now every time we try to do it it happens. It doesn't happen when she gives me oral sex. But i get so worried that I'm going to lose my erection when we have sex that i do lose it!
Now to make matters worse my gf keeps arguing w/ me about it! I just need somebody to help me get through it! She doesn't understand how much stress it puts on me! She thinks that I don't want her when i rly do! I don't want to lose her over this...i just wish that she could understand...someone help me!
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Well, your genitals are connected to your brain, so you lose your erection when you believe that you will. It's partly psychological. The same thing happens with girls, in a sense anyway. See, if a girl goes into sex thinking that she's not going to have an orgasm, she probably won't, but if she goes into sex thinking how great it's going to feel and the fact that there is an orgasm in her future, it is much more likely that she'll have one. You have to believe that you're going to stay hard and that you're going to please her. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself, or you will lose your erection from the stress. Your girlfriend is actually part of the reason that you're losing your erection, but not in the way she thinks. When she puts all that pressure on you to perform, she actually makes your penis 'scared' that it won't be able to, so it doesn't. It's kind of like the term 'I already know I can't do it, so why bother?'
The reason that this doesn't happen during oral sex is because there is no pressure on you to make her orgasm, so you can focus all your attention on yourself.
Just tell her that you love her and that she does turn you on, but that you just can't perform under all the pressure she puts you under. But make sure you don't make it seem like it's all her fault, because it isn't. You need to think positive about the situation. Maybe try thinking of only yourself when having sex once to see if you can hold out longer, just make sure that you hold off on the orgasm, or you'll have to deal with the 'premature ejaculator' rep as well.
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Explain your situation and feelings to your girlfriend at a time when things are totally non-sexual, when you are both calm and clothed. I know it feels odd, but that is really the best way to get her to listen.
She needs to know how stressed this makes you feel, and she probably needs to hear very definately that it doesn't have anything to do with her. You aren't the only guy in this universe to find oral sex more stimulating then vaginal sex, not by a LONG shot, but a lot of women in the exact same situation find that emotionally difficult to handle.
Try putting a bit more focus on pleasing her and enjoying the whole act of sex, rather then just orgasming. If you stop worrying about it, it will be easier. This will also help her know that she is attractive to you and keep her distracted and positive about the whole thing.
In the end, she is the one who is going to have to deal with her feelings of inadequacy. Be supportive, remind her that this doesnâ??t have to do with her, offer compliments and attention, but remember you can't solve that problem for her, anymore then she can wave a magic wand and solve yours.
As her and your confidence improve, you can try experimenting with new positions and/or games that excite you both and offer your simulation you need.
AND as much as guys sometimes hate to hear it, not masturbating and/or orgasm as often, has a definate effect. Men might have an endless supply of sperm, but they don't have an endless desire for sex. Really.
If you can both back down and away from the orgasm issue for a bit, you'll likely get back into the swing of it. If the problem really persists, you could consider seeing a doctor, although there is likely nothing wrong with you. You simply enjoy what you enjoy.
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hey i was thinking.. are you worried about anything? like if your big enough or good enough? and just talk to ur gf and be supportive of her too. she probably hates to see you like this and probably thinks its her. and you dont have an erection problem if you can be erect durring oral. if you had a problem it would never be hard.
another possibliblity is that were you molested as a child? Sometimes you don't remember only certain parts of you remember.. that can be a cause of not being able to get it erect..
get back to me.
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