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typical confused, love life question.
this is kind of hard for me to explain, but i finally met the perfect guy. the one guy that has replaced my exboyfriend, the one guy that i can honestly say i'm in love with & know that it's the truth, or at least i thought it was.
ever since thursday, everything has been going downhill.
to start it off, i'm 17, he's 16. & we've been together for about a month & truthfully, he never really called me but like twice a week, he always wanted to talk on icq(which i hate). but whenever he would call me, it was perfect & we'd talk until like 3am because we just had so much to say. out of this month, we've only hung out twice because we go to different schools & because he never wants to make plans. i always try to do something & he always says he can't, or he cancels at the last minute.
well my birthday was friday & we made plans for my birthday so right as i was about to leave to go pick him up, he cancels on me saying his mom is making him stay home all day because his brother is in. so i was fine, and me & my friends went out & let alone, him & his friends were out driving around & they saw me & were like 'your boyfriend is in here' pointing at him, and he was hiding his head from me :(
we fought over that & then we fought again the next day over stupid stuff, he just kept being really difficult & wouldn't hardly say anything, and he kept making up excuses as to why he couldn't call me & such.
i really love him, and i know the obvious answer is to get out of this relationship, but i can't. i feel like if i wait a little longer, maybe things will improve? like he gets his license saturday & i'm hoping things will change.
i just need some input :(
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I am sorry you are in this predicament. Now, I don't know what kind of girl or guy you are and what style advice you respond to best so I'm just going to be frank with you. I hope I don't offend.
- Even that unconditional everlasting love you find when you've truly met "The One" for you - trust me it is not perfect by far. There is always something that clashes. No two people can be perfect, we are all prone to error and so must our relationships be so as well.
- No one should ever be allowed to be replaced in your heart. If you stop loving them I believe you never did in the first place. Even if it was an illusion you unconsciously created. It's just not that easy.
- You shouldn't be with anyone if you are not over somebody. It messes the whole thing up even if it COULD have worked.
- You have been with him a month and you love him? That would scare anyone away, I'm sorry. You have to ask yourself how well you know him, why you want to be with someone who doesn't seem to want to be with you, and what it is exactly you love. ... It feels good to be in a relationship but why settle for a crappy one? He lied and he hid from you, read into it. What does that tell you about him? It sounds like he's two different people. One with his friends and behind your back, and the other... well, he can talk on the phone with you for certain days for a long time but can't be near you? That's not a good boyfriend. A license won't make those things change.
A good solid tip? If he really wants you, he'll come after you. Especially if he knows you want him to. Most guys don't like aggressively romantic girls right off. And girls too for that matter. Give him room to breathe, and yourself time to think. What do you need? Him? This ring-around-the-rosie B.S.? You know you deserve better. And the next person you're with deserves to get all of you (not right off though of course - I'd really wait for the other person). If your heart's in somebody, don't use someone to spend your love on them. You will only hurt them in the end unless a miracle happens. Trust me, I learned the hard way on that one. And I'm still paying for it today.
...And I've played the hope card as well. Sometimes it just isn't in the cards, hun.... In this case it seems that is so. His loss, eh?
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Well, actually, things aren't going to change unless HE makes the effort to. YOU are not the problem, here. The only change you can make is to end the relationship.
I really don't understand how you can say he is the perfect boyfriend. He always has an excuse not to hang out with you, and LIES to you like that on YOUR BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry, but the guy is a jerk. He may be all sweet, roses and posies the rest of the time, but it is stuff like this that makes him a total jerk.
When he gets his license, do you really, honestly think he is going to make the effort to come hang out with you? Especially considering his past behavior? Come on. That is naive thinking, girly.
I know you think you just can't get out of this relationship, but sticking it out and waiting for improvement gives you a 99% chance of getting all the more hurt out of the deal.
You need to find a guy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I'm not here to tell you what you want to hear- I'm here to tell you the truth as I see it.
ygs-29/f
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Yeah, no one really can measure what's going through a sixteen year old boy's head. I know it hurts to know that he lied to you, and I'm sure you probably thought he had been lying to you all the other times too, but you have to talk. Please don't argue, just talk. You should tell him how you feel, I know you've heard that a million times, but it's what you really have to do. You should let him know how you feel about him not calling. Don't just say, "I hate it when you don't call..." Tell him that it makes you feel....(how ever it makes you feel). But he needs some serious adjustments as well. Tell him to talk to him, the way you talk on the phone till three AM. Ask, don't force, just ask him why he feels that he had to lie to you to just go out. Honesty and trust is what you and everyone in this world needs in a relationship. You should talk it out, and when I say talk, I mean not just ask, "why did you do this or that". But more like "I feel like this...when you do that..." or "Truthfully tell me how YOU feel when...".
If you are his first girl friend then that can also be why. Inexperience. I'm sure if that's the case then after you talk he'll be more aware of what he does that makes you feel sad. Cause usually first-time boyfriends end up being too clingy or treating their girl like they're just friends with benefits.
Now, if that it most definitely not the case, then it could also be something his friends have been saying or implying. If it is that they are talking about you, most guys, when talking about another person's girlfriend, don't mean half the things. Plus, he wouldn't want to 'tell on' his freinds. Or he would be too hurt that they disapprove that he'll just take it as them joking around. But he's still be worried about it.
Trust me, most single guys can be jerks when it comes to situations like these. But to be honest, it looks like you've been such an understanding girlfriend. If it IS his friends then you can be sure that they're wrong.
If it's not either of those things, just talk to him, like I said before. If you both truthfully talk to each other about this things will get better trust me, it works!!
Oh, and honestly, there is no such thing as a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend.
Everyone has flaws,
this is just one of his.
He may have seemed perfect, but now you can see his flaws, and I'm sure that there are plenty more things to love about him.
This is just a rocky path in the road. Keep going. (:
Yeah, but over-all, I think that he just doesn't realize how understanding and great you can be.
Well, the best of luck to you!!
I know some advice can be crap but I sincerely hope I helped out.
(:
Sincerely,
-jimmy.
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hey,
instead of argueing over why hes doing it you need to set him straight!Your letting him do this and your not stopping him!things arent going to change unless you make a effort on trying to!
love,
sarah!
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