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I don't know what to do anymore
14/F
I'm not at all suicidal, but right now I feel like killing myself. My mom yells at me for the simplest reasons, and she says the meanest, most hurtful things. Like today, I needed my cheerleading uniform washed and I don't know how to wash it because the instructions are very complicated, so she told me she'd do it for me, and to lay it on the floor. I didn't want to lay it on the floor because I didn't want the cats all over it so I hung it on the door in the washroom. About an hour later she comes to me and starts banging on the door and when I open it she yells at me. She said. "I told you to lay the unform on the floor, not the fucking door, I didn't see it and now IO have to wash all over again!" And I tried say "Mom, I didn't want to lay it on the floor, the cats would just be all over it." and I didn't yell or anything, I just said it. Then, next she threw the uniform at my face and said "Fuck you! You can wash he fucking uniform yourself. I'm through with you." She says things like this all the time, and it's only getting worse. I can't talk to my father, he just says "You know how your mom is." and I can't talk to my mom, I'm actually scared to talk to my mom...she's even worse when I try to talk to her about what she does to me. I have no one else to tell, if she evr found out I told someone...I don't know what she'd do to me. She's hit me before. And I try to be a good daughter, and to no make her mad. I clean my roon, wash my clothes, I have straight A's, and I never get in trouble...
So afterward I just stayed in my room, but she called me out to get my biology homework on the table and she startes yelling at me about how she wants to leave the house because my dad's always gambling and my sisters always in trouble, and she says that I'm just worthless and trifen, and that we all deserve esch other. I really do feel like dying right now, maybe it would make her happier to have me gone. I don't know how much more of this I can handle before I break down. I try to just focus on school and the clubs I'm in, but whatever I do, she always finds a reason to yell at me, or worse. I'm never good enough for her.
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Your mother has anger management problems and needs to see a counselor.
Thats the simplest, most blunt way to put it.
The harder part is, that more than likely she is not capable of realizing this on her own, justifies anything she does or says, and talking to her about it wouldnt do much good.
At some point you need to talk to her about it. Just realize that its not that you are what shes saying, its not even that she means what she says.
Your mother has a problem that is specifically an inability to control herself when shes angry. When something upsets her she cannot calm herself down and feels the need to lash out at something to release some of her tension so that she doesnt feel so out of control.
When you do something or even when you are simply associated with something that makes her angry, you become an easy target for her to calm down. She then says hurtful things that she doesnt mean.
Do not let the things she tells you affect how you view yourself. Your mother has a problem. A problem she might not be able to fix herself or even recognize that she has.
Its something you should bring up eventually. But definitely not now. At 14 you arent going to be able to talk to her reasonably without her dismissing you.
I dont know what else to tell you. I understand what its like to be in a home like yours. I understand what its like to do the best you can simply so your parents dont make you feel like a failure and degrade everything about you. And to feel like you are being crushed by that burden.
Stay as strong as you can. Realize that you are not the person your mother thinks you are. Keep yourself as together as you possibly can and do not give upon yourself or on eventually making it out of your parents house more or less a whole, functioning person.
For now, the best thing you can do is agree, not argue, and apologize. I speak from experience when I say that rocking the boat is alot harder at 14 when your parents are going to ignore what you say, dismiss you simply because youre their kid and younger.
Build as much confidence in who you are and who you want to be. Build yourself up. Get friends who believe in you and who genuinely like you. Having good friends saved my life. Invest yourself in things outside your house and take joy in everything you possibly can in life.
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firs of all, id like to say that your mother is completely wrong about you. she does not see how great you are. its not that you arent good for her, no one will be, because there is somethign wrong inside your mothers head. i dont know her personally, so i cant really make an assumption. but i do know from what your saying, that she has some problems. i would definately suggest getting some proffesional help. no one should have to deal with this. you dont need to change yourself, you need to change your mother. please dont ever think about taking your life away because of her. you will go so much farther in life then she did. and you said that she hit you before? that is illegal. this whole situation needs to be handled by a professional. if you are worried about your mothers reaction to you talking to a professional, dont worry, tell them that you are afraid of her, and they will protect you. i think you should talk to your school guidance counselor, and she/he can decide what is best to do for you. and one more thing, if you ever feel that your mother is putting your life in danger, or threatening you, call the police. i hope everythign works out, and remember, you need to ask someone for help. you cant deal with this on your own. stay strong <33
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It makes me furious that parents act like that. You do not deserve it. You are not worthless, you seem very intelligent and well-intentioned. Your mom should treat you much better than she does. Don't let her get you down, though. What's most important is that you are good enough for yourself.
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