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Why do I push him away?
First off im f/16 (if that helps :D)
I am in this wonderful relationship with my boyfriend, who happens to be my best friend as well.
For a background story, i met him in 9th grade when he was in 11th, we became best friends, we finally got together and been going out for little over 5 months.
Anyways I am in completely LOVE with him, although some may say sixteen doesn't know true love, I am more than hundred percent sure that he is the one i love truly with all my heart.
My problem is, i've always had this some sort of "commitment issue" but don't get me wrong, I am way past that and over that ever since i am with my current boyfriend.
But that is also a backdrop to me pushing off someone I love. To make this long story short, I freak out and just push my emotion to max.
For example, tonight we met up at the football game in our school (we barely get to see each other because he is in college and lives pretty far away and i cant drive), (i dont know if it was caused by me PMS-ing but) I saw him and he said he was going to church near my house after the football game and he asked me if i can go, i said only if your friend would give me a ride. He said probably not without asking him (which i expected kind of) but i guess I was already kind of ticked off from my family and other stuff like getting rain POURED because it was tropical storms coming, so I kind of took it out on him and got mad that he wouldn't even bother asking before saying no to me. (I know it's totally my fault) and I left him hanging and all that, and I started crying and i did tell him it wasnt him but I was still acting like a baby and such.
So I finally got to talk to him and he said everything was alright and that he is not mad at me at all but sometimes I feel like I am going to act upon my emotion like this again and just keep pushing him away slowly.
So what is wrong with me? Am I bipolar or something? (family history... I dont know if that's genetic) Why do i freak out and just push off the one i love the most? How can I handle myself better? Because even the littlest thing sometimes really get to me and I start going off and stuff.
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Stress is a funny thing and it effects everyone differently. Plus you also have to remember the people that you love the most take the biggest beating from you, because you know that no matter what you say that they'll love you regardless. It sounds like you had a rough night already, so it was probably you just exploding on the nearest loved one. the wonderful thing about it is that it sounds like your b/f totally understands that. ( But maybe talking with the nearest GIRL bff might be a better idea, next time. At least my bff lets me just get everything out and i feel totally guilt free !) Your b/f understanding, has to be a huge relief for you. There is nothing wrong with you! It sounds like he understands that you aren't pushing him away, even though you feel like you are. When you are angry about something try and remember who you are angry at and why. So next time you are with your b/f and angry with your fam, remember who you are angry with. It takes a lot of practice and experience to master this skill. So don't get upset if you fail the first few times, k ? . It sounds like you have a loving, caring and wonderful guy. And who says that 16 year olds don't know what love is ? think about it ! i hear about a lot of people marrying thier HS sweetheart and they are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversaries. So don't underestimate your feelings.
Hope that this helps !
K
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Well if someone in your family had that issue then that could be passed down to someone in the family.The reason you freak out,all is that you just feel insecure perhaps,afraid of how to react, and don't know how to handle things like this.You could handle it by controlling your emotions,not letting things get out of hand,try calming down if it's something bad,and most importantly do not panic.You'll be fine as long as you take my advice.
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