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Moms too involved.
My mom is way too involved in my 15yr old life; when I go out with friends, the second I walk out the door she texts me starting up a conversation. If I don't answer, I get grounded. If I ask her to let me be with my friends without another converstation going on, she goes off about how I must not need her and she stops talking to me all together. She always texts/harrasses my boyfriend about our fights and things going on in our lives that I don't want her to hear. I don't know what to do, I hate it, my boyfriend hates it and I just can't get her to quit! I want my own life back!
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Your mom is needy and attention seeking.
Now, that doesn't mean you are a perfect little angel, but those are your mom's faults and issues. She's allowed to have faults and issues, she's only human after all, and you allowed to draw a line and sand and say "No Mom."
It is perfectly fair to ignore text messages while out with friends. Tell your mother calmly that although you love her, it is disrespectful to your friends to be always texting her while you are with them. If there is an emergency or something she needs right away, tell her to call you and you'll pick up.
Then stop texting her back.
Yes, you will get grounded. Probably a few times. You are gonna have to live with that if you want to make it clear to your mother that you are not going to participate in this anymore. If you don’t give up, she probably will.
If she calls you always pick up. That is only fair. She’s your mom and she needs to know that she can contact you if there is a problem. If it isn't emergency (and it probably often wont be) say this "Sorry Mom. Now isn't a good time. Love ya. I'll see ya soon. Bye!" Then hang up on her.
Sometimes adults are wrong. Often, as a child or teen we just have to live with that and accept that even though they might be wrong, we have to abide by their decisions, because they are the adults.
This is not one of those situations.
This is a situation where you dig in your heels. Because if you don't do now, you'll still be getting calls at work when you are 30. Break the pattern. Suffer the consequences. Don't give in. What she is doing isn't okay.
When she gives you the silent treatment, remind her that you love her, and then ignore her childish 'silent treatment' behavior.
Now, as for the boyfriend: He needs to ignore her texts and stop picking up her calls. Period. She and he have no business having a relationship like that with him. Tell her that he will not respond to her texts anymore, that your relationship is between the two of you and that she is just going to have to trust you to come to her if there is a real problem.
Then, GO TO HER, if there is a real problem. Remember she isn’t doing this because she hates you or because she doesn’t trust you. She is doing this because she is NEEDY and feels unloved and insecure. No matter how hard it is, impress on your mother that you love her each time you two fight, and remind her that her over-involvement is making you both angry and resentful and you’ll only be happy if the two of you can respect each other.
Then do your best to reduce her insecurities. Talk to her about your problems and ask her to just listen, rather then try to get involved, ask her about her problems and worries, and sympathize with her. The more she feels certain of your concern and care for her, the less she should feel the need to cling to you.
She is still your mom and she gets to be the parent. She is allowed to be unfair and stupid. Even down right mean. She is allowed to change your curfew, ground you, have a say in what you do and where you go. She is still the parent and you need to respect that, but draw a line in a sand when it comes to the cell phone. No calls unless it is an emergency or vital information like “You need to be home for dinner, Grandma is coming” or the like, that means you OR your boyfriend.
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hay i think the problem is now that your getting older and that you dont rely or need your mum so much anymore that she doesnt want to let go of her little girl.
maybe she thinks that you are to busy running your life and that you dont rely on her to fix things and stuff she feels she has to include herself in everything you do and help with everything that she doesnt need to help with
you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel.
tell her that just cos your growing up she isnt gunna lose you and that she needs to give you a bit of space, it will be weird at first but you have to let her know your not pushing her away.
dont forget to spend some time with her jsut you and her because i think thats what she misses and thats all she really wants. that might be the reason why she is so involed in your live.
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