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FROM: i need a 2nd opinion
I became depressed and never liked myself because of who I am I want to run away from every one to keep them away from my depression. But I couldn’t hold it in, I told them what was wrong and they said I should tell Lara how I feel. I deny it for 7 years to not tell her but it got to the point that I was about to blow! So I told Lara that I am bi sexual and I am in love with her. Lara was in shocked but stayed there by my side to listen to me. She respected me and will try to help me as much as she can.
After I told Lara how I felt 10 months ago I went to a party and met this guy, nothing happen but I told Lara about it. She then got mad, she said she was not sure to be happy for me or pissed. I didn’t understand what she meant.
I told her that I am moving on and you are not making it easy on me. And she said she was jealous because she didn’t want to drift apart from our friendship and was afraid that we won’t be close anymore. She told me that she was jealous of my last two boyfriends in the year of high school. I told Lara that the reason why I went out with them is because I want to get over her and move on. And that’s why I want to move away to rethink my thoughts. She ask me why I liked her and I said i don’t know how it happened but it did. but i am attracted by smarts, mysterious and adventures personality and that’s what you are.
but i really can’t explain it, its hard to put into words.
I even ask her if she wanted a boyfriend and she said “no not really”.
I got mad at Lara because it sounded like she like me back and I didn’t want her to (even thou I do wish it)
Because I don’t think I can be good in a relationship because of me not believing in myself.
I told Lara that but she didn’t respond to it.
Everything is slowly getting together and right now I am letting things settle.
But I am wondering…
Did she like me back more than a friend or was she afraid of losing our friendship?
And
What does she mean “we won’t be close anymore”?
(The only thing of close I can think of is that she leans on me and holds me sometimes for no reason)
and
When she said she was jealous of my last two boyfriends did that mean she like me then in our high school year or she wanted a boyfriend?
and i got the chat room talk we had about it (2nd part) if you like to read it let me know. its long.
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Hello & Thanks for asking to my inbox =]
First off, you need to higher your self esteem! Why don't you like yourself? If it's because you're bi, that is no reason to not like yourself! That's who you are, and you should love yourself for who you are, not who others want you to be/judge you as or anything like that! Love yourself, be confident, and you'll be happier. Trust me! =]
This is a really thought situation though, but I'll give my honest opinion of what's happening here:
What I think, is that Lara is jealous. You told her you have feelings for her, but then began noticing someone else or at least trying to, and she got jealous. This is probably what's going on with her, mixed with the fact she's afraid of losing your friendship, possibly because of it.
I think you really just need to figure out how you're feeling, because you sound a bit unsure of your feelings. Figure out:
- If you want to be with Lara, or just move on.
- If you at least want a friendship with her, or nothing at all.
Once you figure it out, let Lara know. Tell her exactly what you want. It sounds like you guys have a really meaningful relationship already, so keep this in mind when deciding what you want to do.
When she was jealous of your last 2 boyfriends, it could've been either she wanted you, or she wanted a boyfriend of her own. I don't know, you'd need to ask her.
Talking to her would really help a lot in sorting out your feelings and deciding what kind of relationship you want. Therefore, your best bet is to talk to her about it all.
Good Luck && If you need any more help, don't be afraid to ask =]
-Laura. (15-f)
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Wow, thats really a lot more complicated than I expected. Best guess I can venture is, she does kind of like you, but is strugling with her sexuality.
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Thankyou for your question!
Okay, this is a rather weird situation, because noone can be 100%. Only Lara knows her true feelings, but I'll try to interpret the best I can.
Basically, I reckon yes, she's jealous. I'm sure many people have felt this type of jealousy before - when your friend/best friend gets a boyfriend/girlfriend.. You don't want to feel left out, or feel like a third wheel. You might be scared you will drift apart because your friend will be spending their time with their new partner etc etc - it happens alot - it's life.
Maybe she even liked the fact you were in love with her - it made her feel wanted.
You know that feeling when you know someone likes you.. even if you don't like them back? It feels good to be wanted, and now you've moved on, she's missing that.
I'm quite adamant she would have told you clearly if she felt the same way, because 10 months is a long time.
Tell her no matter what, you'll still be her friend and she will never lose you.
This is where she needs reassurance.
Of course it's not easy on you, but it's probably not on her either.
If any of this was confusing, to sum up:
**This is just my personal opinion**
- She liked knowing you were attracted her, for the reasons stated above.
- She is scared you'll find someone else and won't need her/be close to her like you are now.
- She probably didn't want a boyfriend, but that's not really important, because the fact remained she still didn't want to lose you.
I'm glad things are settling and I think you should move on.
Don't let her hold you back in future relationships.
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