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Am I a mess?
I'm a 16 year old girl firstly. Well I am afraid of being in or falling in love. I'm also afraid of and hate relationships. Acctually commitment scares the crap out of me. Therefore the only pleasure I can get is through random hookups with my guy friends. They end up only being one night and we never hook up again. I keep all my escapades on the down low (swearing my partners to secrecy) and keep the facade of an innocent girl. So they all think that they're my first hook up, but still some how loose respect for me in the long run. It's never akward with my guy friends or anything I just want to know, am I screwed up? Does this game I play make me a mess of a person? And how will I act down the road, will I be a slut?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
1. Contrary to popular belief... It's perfectly acceptable and appropriate to lack an interest in committed relationships at the age of sixteen. It's still acceptable and appropriate to lack an interest in committed relationship at the age of twenty-six... But if you're still not interested by the age of thirty-six then maybe the matter needs further investigation. I will remind you that this _only_ my opinion.
I also believe that at the age of sixteen your primary focus should be YOU. Who are you? What do you want? And so on... I believe that at this age you should be concerned with establishing your identity, a sense of independence, etc.
So... If you don't have a boyfriend; that's okay. If you don't WANT a boyfriend; that's okay too.
2. You said that you are "terrified" of relationships. While I'm not concerned about your relationship status... I am concerned when people are terrified of anything. Why are you terrified?
While now might not be an appropriate time to dive into a relationship... I DO think that now might be an appropriate time to ask yourself where this terror stems from. Common causes among my friends seem to stem from a childhood affected by parents with marital problems, absentee parents, domineering parents, insecurity... Are you insecure? What are you insecure about and why? Are your parents divorced, or do they fight often? If the answer to any of these questions is, "Yes," then talking to your school's guidance couselour is probably an good idea.
3. What do you mean by, "hook-up?" Do you mean, "hanging out?" Kissing? Being involved in some sort of sexual activity? Actual intercourse?
I don't know so all I can say is this... I don't believe there is anything wrong with dating multiple people. I don't believe that engaging in such activities as kissing is harmful either. But I am concerned if you have multiple sexual partners.
Why? Because sex can be dangerous. STD's... Pregnancy... I also believe that promiscuity is often caused by a deep sense of insecurity and results in only deeper insecurity. If this is the case... Seek counseling and also talk to your doctor about protection. I know that talking to an adult may seen embarrassing... Or that you may be afraid that your parents will find out. However... I would like to remind you that counselors and doctors are there to HELP you. You don't have to feel embarrassed, you probably won't be able to tell them anything that they haven't all ready heard before. And... The information that you disclose to both counselors and doctors is confidential unless it pertains to anything of an illegal nature.
4. I am not here to judge you. Even if I was, I couldn't, simply because I don't know you. I can't tell you if you're psychotic or overly promisicous.
And really... What I, or anyone else, thinks of you doesn't matter. What matters is what you think of yourself. If your behavior frightens you or causes you to feel guilty or ashamed... Then do something about it. First, acknowledge the behavior. Second, ask for help from someone who can help you. (A doctor, a counselor, a teacher, any adult that you trust.) One you do talk to someone you will find that the third step... Changing the behavior... Is a lot easier.
I'm sorry if I could not adequately answer your question. If you would like to discuss the matter further please do not hesitate to contact me.
Best wishes ;)
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