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falling in luv, i dont know how it happen?
I became depressed and never liked myself because of who I am I want to run away from every one to keep them away from my depression. But I couldn’t hold it in, I told them what was wrong and they said I should tell Lara how I feel. I deny it for 7 years to not tell her but it got to the point that I was about to blow! So I told Lara that I am bi sexual and I am in love with her. Lara was in shocked but stayed there by my side to listen to me. She respected me and will try to help me as much as she can.
After I told Lara how I felt 10 months ago I went to a party and met this guy, nothing happen but I told Lara about it. She then got mad, she said she was not sure to be happy for me or pissed. I didn’t understand what she meant.
I told her that I am moving on and you are not making it easy on me. And she said she was jealous because she didn’t want to drift apart from our friendship and was afraid that we won’t be close anymore. She told me that she was jealous of my last two boyfriends in the year of high school. I told Lara that the reason why I went out with them is because I want to get over her and move on. And that’s why I want to move away to rethink my thoughts. She ask me why I liked her and I told I don’t know (and that’s truth).
I got mad at Lara because it sounded like she like me back and I didn’t want her to (even thou I do wish it)
Because I don’t think I can be good in a relationship because of me not believing in myself.
I told Lara that but she didn’t respond to it.
Everything is fine with me and her now.
But I am wondering…
Did she like me back more than a friend or was she afraid of losing our friendship?
And
What does she mean “we won’t be close anymore”?
(The only thing of close I can think of is that she leans on me and holds me sometimes for no reason)
And
How can u fall for someone and you don’t know why u is?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There are three things that need to happen in this situation, and they need to happen in order. DON'T skip to step three without doing one and two first, or you'll only cause more hurt and pain all around!
(1) You need to stop hating yourself (or disliking yourself) over your sexuality. Until you do that, you shouldn't even try to have a relationship with another woman; it's not fair to her to have to live with your guilt and depression over it.
(2) You need to decide exactly how you feel about Lara, and what you would want from a relationship with her. Do you want something long-term? Is this a fling, or is it serious? Do you envision yourself being married to a man someday, meaning that you would inevitably have to break it off with her? Do you think your friendship will survive that? You don't need all the answers to these questions, but you need to be thinking about them. As long as you both DO and DON'T want her to like you back, any relationship with her - including your friendship - is doomed.
(3) Have you done steps one and two yet? Make sure you do before proceeding!
Here's step three: Have a truth-session with Lara. You need to answer her question concerning WHY you like her; when you say, "I don't know," it's hurtful because it's like saying there's nothing particularly special about her, it's just how you feel. Think about it carefully, and you'll come to some answers. Think about why you fell for HER, and not some other girl. What does she do that stirs your emotions? People like to imagine that love is mysterious and that we can never really know why it happens, but that's only as true as you make it. There ARE reasons why we fall in love with certain people and not others.
This truth-session needs to go both ways. She needs to be clear on how she feels about you. It's possible she considers you as a best friend without wanting further intimacy; it's also possible that she feels something for you that you clearly do for her, but she's even more uncomfortable with it that you are.
You say, "Everything is fine", so maybe you don't want to re-open this can of worms. If you are truly over her, and you are content with things the way they are, then let sleeping dogs lie.
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