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Is it wrong to be playing the field when single?
I just got out of a 2 year relationship where i was cheated on the whole entire time, so i really do not trust anyone and feel like i can ever be in love again or be in a relationship. It's been 2 months after we have broken up and i am sleeping with two different guys that i like. Sometimes it doesnt bother me because I assume the worst and that their doing the same thing, but sometimes I feel bad because they really like me and both want to be in a relationship with me, but im the worst person to be in a relationship right now, because my ex has turned me into a horrible person. I could have never seen me doing this to someone before, but it's like i dont give a shit anymore. I feel like theres no point being in a relationship because you can like more than one person. The relationship may seem perfect at first and thats all you wanna do is be around that person, but everything gets old after a while and people change. Nothing lasts forever. And that is the reason why I dont believe in love, because you can always find someone else that tempts you and makes you curious about them and then you become unfaithful. Everyone cheats and everyone lies. So right now I feel like im playing a game and part of me feels bad about doing that to those 2 guys, but the other part of me thinks...hey...im single and were not together so it doesnt matter if im sleeping with someone else. I want to know other people's opinions on this....has anyone else been in the same situation? If so...what do u think is the best thing I should do? Because I never was a trashy whore and Im still not. I just really like both these guys and I cant choose between them, and Im not even sure I want to be committed....
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Honey, I was with my ex for SIX years, and he cheated on me pretty much the whole time we were together. Not everyone cheats and not everyone lies. I did like once to my ex about not smoking cigarettes, but that was the only thing I ever lied to him about, and in 6 years I never cheated on him once. It's normal to feel the way you do, it's called being bitter, and you have every right to feel that after the way you were treated. But you don't have to feel guilty about playing the field. You're not ready for a new relationship, so don't jump into one with either of these guys until you are. Don't let them pressure you just because they really like you. I would suggest not actually sleeping with more than one person at the same time, but that's me. If you are using protection and being tested than I don't see that as a big deal. I played the field while I was single. But I am seeing someone new now and couldn't be happier.
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It sounds like you need to take a step back from guys and take a time out. Life does not revolve around relationships and romance. Your ex cheated on you which was a horrible thing to do, but in a way you're cheating on yourself. Instead of devoting time to you and allowing yourself time to heal and grow, you jump in the sack with two other guys - completely cheating yourself out of opportunities to grow as an independent individual. Where are you in all of this? Why are you going from guy to guy?
These are some questions I think you deserve the answers to. If you can't come up with the answers on your own, I suggest you speak with a therapist or a counselor who can try to help you with this. I've known many girls who always seem to be with some guy, and those girls are completely lost as human beings. They can't function on their own and find their self worth in the approval and the attention of men. That's a sad way to live life. Life does not guarantee you a prince charming, and there's a chance you'll end up alone.
Can you handle that?
Personally, I don't think you're q trashy whore. I think you're hurt and confused, but I think you're hurting yourself far more than your ex could have hurt you. I think you should take a break and give yourself some attention. There's more to life than love. As far as sleeping with your two guy friends, I think you should be honest with them. Make sure they have all the facts or you're no better than your cheating ex. If they don't mind and you don't mind, I don't see a problem with it other than you're hurting yourself.
You're reinforcing to yourself the myth that sex and love have nothing to do with each other, which would be fine if you were sleeping with people you didn't have any attachment to, but these are guys you like. Sex should be something special, and in my opinion, the more you demean it the more you demean yourself. Honestly, since you seem to be suffering and think you're such a horrible person, I would make an appointment to talk to someone who can help you to get this problem straightened out. Please don't be ashamed to seek help.
You need to learn to be the one who comforts you. if you knew how to do that properly, you wouldn't continue to turn to others to do it for you. You say that your ex has turned you into a horrible person - I think you're giving your ex far too much power. You aren't a horrible person at all. You're just a person who's hurting and is lost and is searching for answers in all the wrong places. I really think therapy could help you out in many ways. It's time you get back in touch with your inner self and be the one who loves you most.
Good luck. Please feel free to contact me if you need anymore advice, and let me know how things turn out for you. :)
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It took me 5 years to get over my ex. Everyone has their own time period to heal.
The only bad thing I see is neither guy knows you are seeing the other. That could be bad. You could hurt them once they learn about your toggling between them.
You should be honest with anyone you are seeing. Tell them right away (if evolving into a "relationship") that you do not want to be in a comitted relationship right now because you recently got out of one and hurt badly and have trust issues.
If the guy(s) likes you enough, he'll understand and stay in the relationship with you on your terms, being patient, or not. He might only want a committed relationship-- but trust, most men don't. They want more of a casual, non-committal relationship freeing them to date other women too.
You will eventually heal from the past relationship and trust again. Mr. Right will come along and you will trust him because you will fall in love with him and WANT to trust again.
You just need your time to get there, so have fun on the journey.
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