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sexual boundaries
im 17 years old almost 18.
i have an amazing boyfriend who is everything i could possibly ask for.
today was our first time trying anything sexual.
we didnt have sex but we messed around.
im horrible at saying what i want to happen or not to happen.
its too late to sit down and set boundaries now.
i loved messing around with him and im comfortalbe with it but im worried that we havent waited long enough and that ill end up having sex with him. (which is something im not emotionally ready for)
i can talk to him easily and hes understanding but what do i do if i want to mess around and am comfortable with it but im not sure if its whats best for our relationship right now???
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It's not too late at all to set sexual boundaries with him. In fact it's a mature and responsible thing to do so that you avoid bad siatuations. Tell him what you enjoy doing and that intercourse is out and tell him the other things you aren't ready for.
Ask him to respect that and that if he comes near to crossing a boundary during time alone with you that you'll warn him by saying no and will push him off. It's nothing personal but it's what you have to do.
When it comes to sex keep reminding yourself that you aren't ready yet and if he loves you he will respect that. Tell him that there's no sex until you say there will be.
Sit down with him and go over your concerns. I'm sure once you talk openly about how you both feel about fooling around and where is taking things "too far" for you both you'll be fine. Remember if you cannot talk about fooling around or sex or boundaries together you need to stop.
While you may be horrible at saying what you want to have happen versus not you have to tell him or your boundaries and comfort zone will be trampled on as he'll be thinking you're ready for certain things as you haven't told him otherwise.
It may sound weird but if you have to jot a list of things down on a piece of paper and sit down and talk about each point and have a mature dialogue. That's how you set boundaries you both can respect.
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Ok this is what you need to tell your boyfriend..
You are happy and feel comfortable doing sexual things with him but for the moment sex is out of the question. It's something that you aren't ready for and you want it to be more then perfect!
If you and your boyfriend were messing around and now your scared you haven't waited long enough... think again hun.. You said yourself that you were comfortable and that you loved messing around with him..
What more could there be too it..?!
If you are feeling guilty now could it possibly be that your parents wouldn't approve if they found out..?! Or is something bothering you?
To me it sounds like you waited long enough and you thought and talked about it with your boyfriend and you both sound mature and comfortable with what you are doing.
From going to oral etc to sex is a big thing so if you say you are not ready.. don't do it until you are!! You'll only feel horrible other wise!
I'm sure your boyfriend isn't expecting sex from you right now.. If he's waited this long just to cop a feel then he'll wait an eternity to have sex with you.
Your boyfriend can't force you to have sex and you shouldn't try to 'hurry' yourself up emotionally to have sex.. it'll happen when it happens!
Just remember to play it safe ;P
Good luck, be careful, have fun!
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okay, so your saying you like to mess around, but dont think its that time yet. okay. well just tell him that. say you want to wait a little bit longer. but if you do mess around, tell him now that you dont not want to have sex yet. and if he starts to move to sex when messing around, say no.. hope i helped<3
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