|
Sex or Love?
How can you tell if a guy is after sex or love? I feel like I can't be objective so I'm just gonna tell you some stuff and you'll tell me what you think.. what is he after? He seems to be very interested in me even though we've NEVER kissed or held hands or had any physical contact (so that speaks for LOVE right?) ALTHOUGH I have given him strong signs that if he were to become mine, we'd do A LOT of physical stuff.. so I have planted expectations in his head. When he flirts it's usually like "i can't wait to be alone with you" "i cant wait to see you..theres all these things i want to say to you..and do to you" or "make sure you wear tasty lipgloss the next time you come over" but sometimes he also says "i miss you so much" or "Love you like a fat kids love cake" His friends all lie to him and tell him I'm a slut.. so he probably thinks I'm easy (even though I've only had one kiss and nothing else my whole life!) but he's always treated me with respect. When he wants to give me a compliment it has never been about anything physical, it's always like "you're so sweet" or "you have this quality i've never seen in any other chick" or sometimes compliments my eyes, so i dont know, i get mixed signals, and I would really want to know what he's after, cause I don't put out..
oh and one more question! lets say I'm at his house..and we're making out (which im cool with) but then he starts undressing me.. is there any way to pause the physical without saying "lets take it slow" or "I dont want to".. like is there a way to not go further withotu ruining the mood or making it awkward?!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
you can tell if i guy just wants sex if hes always asking for it...and its hard to tell the question you asked because i can tell if people are lying or not by the way they talk to me.. like if there looking at you in the eyes or not..and i think the best thing to do is ask him if he is interested in you or not and tell him you like him and stuff.. otherwise both of you will give each other mixed signals because both of you didnt say if you like each other.. and if he starts undressing you just pull away and say no.. theres nothing wrong with saying no, you need to be strong and stick up for yourself and dont ever be scared because you'll end up getting fucked over many times in your life..
hope this helpped
]
Well there's really no way for me to TELL you if he's after love or sex. No one on this site knows him and we can't really make an accurate idea of what this guy is all about.
From your question, it sounds like you guys aren't even dating yet. Are you? If you aren't, him saying he wants to "do things to you" isn't exactly respect. If you're not dating someone but you are talking about it, and he says he can't wait to be alone with you and do things to you...it might make you feel good about yourself and it's not even a bad thing, but it's definitely not a non-sexual respect.
He seems sexually attracted to you, yes. But that does not mean that he's ONLY after sex. He is saying sweet things to you. He could be 1) trying to get into your pants by feeding your ego or 2)just being genuinely interested in you. Again, there's no way we can tell you that.
This is a difficult situation and my best advice would be to just go with the flow, try to be as objective as possible, ask your friends what they think, and use good judgment.
As for your last question, I can relate. With my last boyfriend, we did a lot of sexual things together (making out, feeling up, grinding, handjob, blowjob), but I never let him give me oral, finger me, etc. And we never had sex. Closer to the beginning, I had already "touched" him, if you know what I mean, but he hadn't even touched ME on top of my pants. One time he let his hand glide across that area and he pulled at the string on my pants. We were making out at the time and I didn't stop and say anything, I just took his hand and guided it away from my crotch onto my hip. All he did was sort of laugh into my mouth as if he was saying "hey, I had to at least try" and we went on like nothing happened. Just guide his hand away from the area that it shouldn't be and it won't be awkward. He just needs to know his boundaries. :) If he pushes it, though, you're going to have to say something to him.
Good luck!
]
The sad truth is you can't really tell what he is after right now. Most people are on their very best behavior at the beginning of an infatuation. He's trying to impress you (and you are trying to impress him too) right now, so unless you see any serious warning signs, try and assume the best of his intentions. Just don't close your eyes, keep paying attention for the little red flags.
Frankly though, if you don't 'put out' and if you already know what your boundaries are sexually AND you stick to them. You'll find out damn fast what is really after.
If someone starts pushing past your boundaries by doing something like undressing you, that is the kind of thing you want to ruin the mood over. You don't need to be rude or aggressive, but you want to pause for a second and make sure that your "No." is clear and understood. There are of course, a bunch of little ways to keep it from going further: wearing clothes that are difficult and time consuming to remove, moving out of their reach or playfully evading them, but all of those send the wrong message. They tell the person "Not right now." or "Come chase me." If those aren't the messages you want to give, then you are best to simply say "No." firmly and with a gentle smile, then go back to what you were doing.
If your guy has a problem with that, and he lets it ruin the mood or makes an awkward issue about it, that is a good sign that is only after sex.
]
Those are some mixed signals but there's no real way to be certain when it comes to guys. A guy can be as sweet as cake and then turn out to be the total opposite afterwards. I think the best thing to do though is to just go with the flow if you like this guy (are you both dating or just seeing eachother and that's it?) and then see what happens. To be honest it'snever easy to see when a guy is just after sex or if it's for real but then saying he loves you is a pretty far fetched conclusion considering he hardly even knows you all that well. Guys get confused between love and lust. I'd say he does like you from what you have said but what the source of that is (be it his friends have put ideas into his head, he is sincere about liking you or it's just lust) the only way you'll really know is to get to know him better. The thing is you know what it is you want and where you draw the line, the thing you should do now is make sure that he knows the score too. You said yourself you may have mistakenly put ideas into his head (guys always brag to friends which may also be the reason they are saying all this crap about you) and if that's the case you would be wise to straighten it all up beforehand. Let him know straight out that making out is fine but anything more than that is not going to happen and if you have to you may even have to specify (since some have their own versin of how far 'making out' goes). If he knows in advance then there shouldn't be any problems when you are at his place but IF it does get to that point (and it might do because guys can get carried away) then the best you can really do in my opinion is just say the magic word, "no!" You made the ground rules clear before hand so there's no excuse afterwards for him to try push his luck but if he does then you need to tell him to stop and make sure he knows you mean it (subtle hints sometimes just don't work especially in the heat of the moment because guys tend to be too busy thinking about other things than to concentrate on what you're trying to say). I don't think it will spoil the mood provided you just say no, that's not happening and then carry on with making out from where you left off. The thing is you just need to make sure you voice your disagreement and to keep him, for lack of a better word, in order. :]
]
More Questions: |