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okay, so i had this one boyfriend and i really really liked him. i've never felt that way for anybody before. when he broke up with me, i was absolutely heartbroken. that was about 9 months ago.
so my boyfriend that i have now that tells me that i have this wall built up around me and i wont let anyone in. im so scared to let anyone in because of what happened last time. i dont like my boyfriend like i liked my ex-boyfriend. i dont know what to do...do i let my guard down or break up with him? im so scared of getting hurt like i did last time
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know how scary that can be once you've caged yourself in. But, sometimes in life you have to just let go and take the risk. There'll be plenty of opportunities for people to hurt you but that's just life. We can't change anything about it. We just have to learn from what happens to us so that we won't make the same mistakes next time.
I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to your boyfriend. Let him know that it's not easy for you to open up because you have been hurt. If he understands then you'll just have a stronger relationship, if not, then be happy you didn't let your guard down, but be proud of yourself for saying what you really mean.
good luck!
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Sometimes having your bf break up with you takes more time than you think it should to get over. I know friends and ex's of mine that it took over a year to deal with the fact that their gf/bf left them.
Your boyfriend may be right. I actually did the same thing, but more for the opposite reason as you're doing. I didn't want to keep hurting people, so I just built a wall and wouldn't let anyone in. A friend (and now ex but still friend) told me that I wasn't going to get anywhere with a wall like that up and that I didn't have to just drop it, but at least try to give people a chance. Basically you have to let the wall thin down a little, but you can sure keep it in place. If you've got the wall up like you do, you won't be able to really get to know the guy and even if you don't like him the same way you liked your ex, you'll never know him well enough to really be able to judge if you keep the wall up and him on the outside. Maybe what you could do would be to keep seeing him, but make it way more casual and just get to know each other better (assume you're not close friends already).
However, if you're really questioning if you should be with him, then I'd say just end it. If you lead him on and don't open up at all, he'll just be hurt and you'll possibly end up feeling bad for hurting him when the break-up does happen.
One last thing to consider: are you dating him because you like him or because you're trying to get over you ex? If it's because you're trying to move on...then that's unfair to him.
It might hurt to be single, but if you still have feelings for your ex, there's no sense in trying to make yourself have feelings for someone else. (Sorry if that sounded harsh, it wasn't meant to be).
Good luck - dating can be SUCH a mess.
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