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I was in an abusive relationship for almost
2 years. I won't go into details, I will say
it was physical abuse.
I was smart enough to finally say enough is enough
and get out. I do not intend to ever get back into
a relationship like that. So I don't need that kind of advice.
The problem is, it has been almost a year since
this happened. To say I am scared to get involved
in another relationship would be putting it mildly.
I am on my own, I have a decent job and many friends. But there is nobody "special" in my
life.
I cannot afford the expense of therapy, so even
though that would be a good suggestion, I just
can't afford it.
Is there anyone out there who has gone through something similar and would be willing to advise me on how to start dating and trusting men again?
I know they are not all like my ex, but how do I
begin again?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It took me over 4 years before I felt comfortable enough to start dating again. I won't go into details either, but I will tell you it was hard to pick up the pieces and move on with my life. It is no easy task. I will not tell you a lie and say it is. BUT. I did if I could do it, you can too.
I can't tell you how you can start trusting men again, we are all different in how we do things like that.
I can tell you from my own experience that I was VERY EXTREMELY ANGRY. For a long time. I was angry at him for treating me as he did, and I was angry with myself for staying around for as long as I did.
In the long run, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (Don't just assume you have that- you have to see a doctor to know if that is truly your problem.) Like you, I couldn't afford therapy, so I didn't go.
I just ended up facing my past, dealing with it on my own (which is no easy task), and then LEARNING from it.
You have to just say to yourself "I allowed this man to control every aspect of my life while he was casting his shadow over me, I REFUSE to allow him to continue to control my life now that he is out of it." Yah, you think you stand up for yourself by leaving, but you REALLY stand up for yourself when you truly believe that when you say it.
When you are ready to let it go and not compare the other GOOD men who WILL come into your life, to him, you can then leave him dead and buried in your past, which is exactly where he belongs.
He is a ghost in your past. You just have to have patience with yourself to get past it and no longer allow him to haunt you.
How do you begin again? You have to find your place in this world first. You have to find yourself again.
I wish you all the best. :)
ygs-29/f
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From someone who use to be in an abusive relationship...
- take baby steps.
-you don't have to open your heart right away completely.
- get to know the person before you make accusations.
- build trust.
- explain to them that you need to take it slow.
- talk to your friends when you need support and to vent. thats why their there for you.
- don't be so hard on yourself.
- let someone back in to care for you.
-just take it slow. build trust and commitment. =]
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