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my be my last question. im desperate, in deaths
i cant take it at all anymore im dead serious. i cant go through with life. im going crazy over it. i hate it more than ever. ive always been depressed and suicidal but now before seems like nothing compared. it seems like i just hit rock bottom. now theres been more death and i think im next. i think ill die young. im always thinking death. my death and others' death. my life is music im always listening to it and it seems to always be about death. now its summer so im reading and the books seem to be about all death. i do take it as a sign. but AM i next. im usually doing something wrong and always in trouble for something usually how i dress and my friends and music and how im depressed. i always wear black and am about 85% of the time depressed. the other 15% is when im out of my house and with my friends. my parents always fight then they fight with me and they wont shut the fuck up long enough to let me talk. i totally lost my best friend now because of our love but now as usuall it turned to hate. deep dark hate. hes dead to me now. but i miss him as my best friend. at least a friend. my other friends have been through alot 2 of the 4 were abused 1 other is in a divorce other idk whats even wrong. but through all that they say im the worst. but i try to hide it around them. then at school i have 11 deep enemies. but thank god its summer in a way. but now im home and fighting even more. their against most, almost everything i say dress act or do. they dont understand me and have no idea what i go through. wherever i go im always in trouble or wrong or hated by someone. no one understands me, well my friends do kinda. no adults like me. i look normal but wear black wtf so what. no peircing hair dye or tattoos which i will get right away once i move out or die. i want to go to heaven but if i kill myself i wont. and everybody says im going straight down to hell. they say all that will happen to the devil. is it so bad i want to go to heaven just to be with my family friends and cousins everyone died who cared for me. now i wana go be with them. i wana live the life i never had. im always in trouble and in my room so i write peoms books a journal anything. i told my mom i wanted a job in photography she laughs at me. she thinks its so i could leave state...well that to. its my passion. and since im always wrong for the most retarded things the record in 24 hours is 34 sad...i no. when i realized that i lost it i was gona run away and die. i hate my life theirs nothing good in it. only hate yelling death and depression. how can i go to heaven to be with the ones i love? how do i get over this and what do i do now? i dont know i might be back for the answers but i might be above. i dono whats wrong with me. was i just a waste of space? will i ever end up with them in heaven? has anyone realized i was even here, will i be forgoten in a day, did u ever know i was here,...doubt it.what do i do. NO phsyciatrist or therepist whatever,NO.
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I wish I could say something to help you. But I've never felt the way you have, so I'm not qualified to give you any advice. However, there are a lot of people out there who DO feel the way you do. And with all that you've been through, YOU would be very qualified to give THEM advice. If you can get through this, you could use the pain you've suffered for something good. One day, when you've gotten past this sad period of your life, you could be a real lifesaver to someone who's going through what you've been through and needs someone who actually understands. Maybe that's why all this is happening to you... because God has something like that in mind for you. In the meantime, I really hope you can find someone who's been through what you have and can help you get through this.
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Hey well im only 15 so i dont know if im the best at this but im going through something your going through i get bullied cause one girl hates me they all hate me my parents want a divorce i get told off and i have thought about suicide but i talked to my close friends there like your not doing anyone a favour your just killing another person and its true there people who do love you out there trust me and you killing your self is gonna hurt then much mOre maybe you should just throw the book away change your type of music go out and have fun with your friends go shopping or something i have enimies to and i have realized i dont them in my life my close friends have helped me out so much and i love then for it so just think twice about what your doing your still young have fun ignore people around you <3 please just dnt commit suicide :(
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I can understand what you are going through. But killing your self isnt going to solve things it will just make it worst. And I don't want to see that happen to you. You seem to be a very smart girl. Taking your self down this route would not help you at all. You need to see if you can find another place to live. Please drop me a messege I want to help you but killing your self is not the answer. You have to look at it this way people are going to put you down. But you got to stay up. And right now you might be thinking oh he dosent no crap. Well truth is i do. I always get depressed not been sucidial but being depressed you need to understand we got one life, and that one life is right here. We got one chance don't end it early. Just turn on your news and you can whats going on already. pLease drop me a email I can give you my number you can call me please!
Your 13 years old you still have a long way.
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Hey kid, slow down. Take a breath and step back for a minute. Try looking at your life from a different perspective. Please. Your making me worried just as I type this. people CARE about you. I know it doesnt feel like it at times, but they DO. I know, I have been through problems similar to these. You say that you want to be with your family in heaven? Well if those are the people who care about you, they DONT want you to die young. They want you to live life to its fullest extent, a happy, healthy life. Please TALK to someone. It doesnt have to be a phsch or therapist. From my experiance I havent had any luck with doctors. Its the people that love you that count. And I know there is at least ONE out there. Now that it is summer, get involved with the community. Volunteer. It helps ALOT to know that people are relying on you. They TRUST you. and they think that you are a good person. Think about the chances that you have to make a difference in the world. If your life ended right now, you wouldn't get all of those chance to lighten someones life. PLEASE stop yourself. Talk to me. Here is someone that is willing to talk to you, and I want you to take that chance. PLEASE. You are only 13 years old, im not that much older than you just one year. We can be friends. I have had some bad experiances in my life too. I went through a stage where I HATED myself and everything about me. But lately, I have been feeling better. People will miss you if you died. Hell, I dont even know you, but I would be extremely frustrated and angry at myself if I found out that you were gone. And Im sure everyone that loves you as well. If you were gone from this world, your loved ones would do anything BUT forget. You dont forget someone that you love. Its not in the human culture. If, for example, my sister committed suicide, I would be left wondering, "what did I do wrong, why couldnt I help her, did she not love me back," I would be DEVASTATED. She doesnt even live with us anymore. And there were points that I HATED her and she HATED me. Actually, we were fighting most of the time. But, deep down, I really loved her. I wasnt blood related or anything, but I loved her because she was my sister. And whoever loves you is going to feel the same way.
PLEASE leave a message in my inbox. You can talk to me, and I can talk to you. We can share our experiances and help each other. dont do this to yourself anymore.
Hope to hear from you soon, Acetrace92
14/f
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Not seeing a therapist or a psychologist is overrated by teenage sub cultures. It signifies being uncool because you caved and sought professional help, help from the adults that we must rebel against.
I know what you're going through, I've been through it and now when I look back, I feel like I was an idiot then, although I must admit the emotion pain was excruciating, but only because I was a weak willed pussy.
I can get banned for saying this, but suicide is an option. For some people it does completely relieve pain. Take those who suffer from chronic illness. But you are 13 years old, you have no idea what life has in store for you. You have not experienced ANYTHING yet, regardless of how much pain and suffering you think you have seen and felt.
Wait a few decades, see how you turn out. By the way, everybody has problems, it's just about how you deal with them. THe problem with most suicidal teenagers is that they don't know how to deal with them. I've seen countless teens with extreme problems at home deal with their problems better than the average suicidal teen. I've seen kids who lost their fathers and mothers continue being normal functioning kids.
If your pain was really that bad, you would see a therapist, it's not as bad as you think. Some therapists were also fucked up teens who have solved their problems. Try to find a good therapist, keep on switching therapists until you find on you like.
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