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really important- family crisis.
15/f
People-
I am not such an openminded girl. But ive been living with this cruel load on my shoulder for the past 10 years. That load would be my father. Hes amazing person and i love him but hes not th e best father and husband. he never hurt me GOSH NO! but hes never home, never drives me anywhere never does the father stuff and my parnets rarley talk. my mom tries to get my dad to go out to dinner he wont. this has been going on for a really long time. like i wont care to speak back to my mom but to my dad im petrified! i dont know why! i do everythign with my mom and i feel really bad for her. until i found out recently that my mom finally did somehting about it. she started (without telling any of her 5 kids, well she told my 19 year old sister) fialing. i, not being stupid, realaized. so once i asked my mom and she was liek acting dumb she slike whta do u think i should do so she told my sister that i asked and my sister told me the truth. then the other day she was drving me somewhere and she yelled in the phone so i said MOM YOU YELLED--OWW!!!. and she went phyco. yelling at me fo rbeng direcpectble (which is undertsandable-- i was) but hten came the break down. she brought up all about my father and crazy things about money and thing i should nto know about! i really got scard. once hs eused the quote "im sorry this happned to our family" i knw it was bad. but sh ewasnt telling me she was YELING and making it as if it was my foult. i ried and had a breakdown as well. then the rest fo the ride she apoligized and i ignored and wtvr. the next day she called me evry second. i ignored all calls. fiannly my cousin made me answer it and i was very emoitonless. i answered everything I DONT KNOW. she asked me if i purposly didnt asnwer the phone i said yes. she apoligized admitted to crying the night, when she has no idea whta i went torugh the ngiht she yelled at me!! i called my friend histerical crying !! omg my firne never saw me like that. but aanyways she feels really bad and i want to forgive her but for somereason i cant. i just cant. liek my body wont let me on th ephone say anyting. liek i just dotn understand this.
-C
but that car ride was serously hell. i thought i was in a movie. she was screamimgn at me like crazy things that i shouldnt not be worrying about that right now i am. MONEY-CAMP-LOVE- etc.
please anyone?
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ITs seriously the hardest thing to do is go through a break up with anyone, let alone, a man that you love and have 5 kids with especially when its not because of anything you did (your mom) to make him leave, its because he is leaving and giving up on you and the relationship itself. That can be a hard thing to deal with emotionally, especially when you're trying to stay strong for your kids. But you have to remember, no one can be a super mom (or parent) and we're all still humans trying to make it through this life happy and in one piece. Many times our emotions get the best of us and we have a hard time controlling it because for so long were trying to hold it in and then it becomes harder to contain it inside, so when your mom broke down or even upset you, it was a little misplaced anger from everthing else she's dealing with and it makes it a lot harder on her if you're being disrespectful or mean to her because shes under so much stress and pain. I know its also difficult to go through the seperation of your parents and you are probablly feeling stress as well, so imagine what she feels being that was her husband who she made a life with and now he's neglecting the life he made with her. She probablly feels rejected as it is, She needs support from you and your understanding that she is going through a hard time and needs you to be there for her, not against her. Don't add to the pain by making her life even more difficult because she DOES LOVE YOU, you should cut her a break and forgive her because she didn't mean it (especially when she already said sorry and tried to call you a million times) Your mom truly cares for you and loves you and just needs you to understand that her life isnt that easy at the moment. Think of when you have gone through a hard time or had a bad day and the next person who contributed (even a little) to the bad day would get more back (yelling or whatever) than what they contributed. Thats probablly what you got back but it wasnt what you contributed, but she definitely loves you and doesnt blame you for anything. The reason why she told the oldest of you guys (19 year old) is probablly because they understand the situation and what's going on a little bit better and could help her out with you guys while she tries to find her strength in herself to continue on with being a loving and caring mother to you guys and protecting you from the fact that they're getting divorced until she is ready to break the news. But in order to do that, she needed to get in control of her emotions so she can make the best decision regarding you guys and your father. So dont be upset that she didn't tell you because it probablly wasnt out of spite. Nonetheless, I know this is a difficult time for you and you're probablly really upset because this is a big change and a hard thing to go through, but, just know that no matter what happens between your mom and father and the relationship between them, you still have a loving mother, and a loving father, and loving siblings, and that doesn't change. It might even be a little better because maybe when they are seperated they will be happier (including your father) because sometimes relationships just don't work and if theyre not working it can make both of their lives very hard (probablly why your dad is not around as much) But it will never change the fact that they love you guys. Its better to have them happy, which will make your lives happier, than them living in pain together for the sake of you guys, because that will really only make you guys unhappy as well to see them in pain. SO, the important thing is that you guys are all happy. Im sorry for the pain that you are going through but in this time more than ever, you must be there for eachother and show eachother that no matter what happens you can always count on eachother to be there. I hope everything will get better in time and I wish you the very best of luck:)
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It sounds to me like your mom is under a lot of stress and may also be suffering depression with everything that's going on. With your dad not being around and such and not wanting to get more actively involved it would certainly not be helping her at all. You just seemed like a convenient escape - someone to let all her stress out on because she couldn't to your father (maybe she is also just as scared of him as you are).
I think you should forgive her but I know you can't just do that unless you really want to deep down. But put yourself in her shoes as well - she has a lot on her shoulders and she probably feels like she's doing it all by herself becuase her husband isn't being as supportive. It could all just be getting to her and unless it's dealt with it will get worse. Depression is not a good thing at all. Talk to her, ask her to maybe consider family counselling. It will hopefully help. Let her know you want to be there for her but what she did hurt you as well. If she knows your there for her maybe she won't feel so alone or abandoned.
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Well maybe you should forgive her, becuase it may not be that she wanted to yell at you, she probably just had all that inside of her, and since your dad is never home she may no have anyone to talk to her and telll them how she feels, so she jsut keeps it all inside, and there comes a point where you just can`t anymore and you take it out on people who nevr did anythin to deserve it. You should just try talkin to her about it, and def forgive her i mean shes your mother and i get that she yelled at you, and told you about stuff that you probably dont even care but hey it happens when people keep things in too much, and they cant take it anymore they find someone and just yell at them, and that def isnt fair and she shouldn`t ahve took it all out on you, you should just talk to her about it, it will make it easier on you and easier to forgive here .
& hope i helped
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