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Confused
I am 23 and female. I dated a guy for 5 years and I found out that he cheated on me. Now I want to say that the cheating was a lot. It was around 10 girls. He slept with 5 of them, and the one was my best friend. Now with that said I also want to say that we were young when we dated, and he wasn't even 21 yet. Ok so I obviously broke up with him, and when I did the tables turned and he was depressed. He could not deal with the break-up and since then he has not been the same. It is going on 2 years since this happened. I did not date anyone seriosly for a 1 1/2 of that time. I could not find anyone I really wanted to date. I was going to go back to him, because I felt like there was no one else for me. Well I ended up meeting someone right before I was going to go back to him. This guy is great he does so much for me in every way possible. He is just a great guy. I love him very much and everything about him. The problem is it still hurts to think of my ex. I feel guilty because I know he is not ok, and that I need to help him and make him feel better. I am so confused lately I just can't get myself to think straight. Anyway I want to know if this is normal and I need to continue on with my life, or if I should not ignore the feelings for my ex that I still might have?
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It's normal. I may not have ever been in love but guys have asked me out, I've rejected them, and I feel guilty. If your ex isn't right for you, don't go out with! You obviously feel guilty because you broke up with him. Well you need to sit down with him one day, and explain to him how badly he messed up and how it's just hard to trust him so you can't go out with him again, also because you found, another, trustworthy, honest guy for yourself.
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Let me put this in perspective for you. Did your ex-boyfriend ever feel guilty about cheating on you repeatedly with 10 different women including your so-called best-friend? Why should you feel guilty for breaking up with him?
He caused this to happen to himself and should have thought about what his actions would later get him before he slept with those people. While he may not be the same since he lost you it's not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilt or any need to get back with him. You would be absolutely foolish to.
Move on with your current boyfriend who treats you wonderfully and don't look back. You ex-boyfriend is a big-boy and will learn a lot from this so that he treats the next girl that comes along with respect and stops messing around. However, he sounds like a serial cheater that will never stop.
You're doing the right thing by being seperate from him. The reason it hurts to be away from him is because you had a connection and it's always hard to move on. You also wanted it to work badly.
Over time you'll put him behind you and whenever you think of him negatively or positively just remember "That's just a memory from the past that I cannot change and I'm with X now and totally happy."
It's all about time really as there obviously hasn't been enough time since the breakup to allow yourself to move on and not look to revisit the past. Over time these feelings of guilt which you shouldn't be having considering the circumstances will wear away and you'll realize he can take care of himself and you're better off with the new relationship.
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What?!? Why in the hell should YOU feel guilty about how bad HE feels? You are not to blame for his lowly feelings of depression and self pity. He did that to himself, my dear.
YOU are not responsible for making HIM feel better. Who cares if he isn't the same? Who cares if he is all down in the dumps? He should be! He was an asshole to you! He deserves all of his self induced misery. Maybe he will learn a valuable lesson and treat the next woman as she deserves to be.
You found a great guy- GOOD. Your ex should have no bearing on your current relationship. So get on with your life, and enjoy it with the your new man.
Don't take his guilt as your own. You aren't guilty of anything, so why should he make you feel as though you are?
So. Confusion to an end, now, ok? Lay the blame where it is due and let him feel guilty for treating you like crap.
You, on the other hand, need to lay him to rest in your past where he belongs. You have a wonderful guy who treats you great, so why let this asshole effect you and your happiness?
ygs-29/f
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