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jerk friends bf
okay well i have this friend who had been my best friend fot the past 3 years now. 6 months ago she found herself a boyfriend who she has liked since 6th grade(3 years ago)in the beginning he was the better of her ex boyfriends but now he is a total jerk. all he wants to do is makeout and go to 2nd wherever they are. when she isn't around or not paying attention he makes these really annoying/hurtful comments either to me and my friends or to someone about someone else and i hate it. all of my friends and my best friends friends hate him and know where i am coming from. Jess(my bf) really likes him. i dont know if she likes HIM or the IDEA of having a boyfriend. we have been fighting so much with any little thing i say about him. when he is with her she forgets that my friends and i are there. her boyfriend bobby will randomly walk up to her while her and i are having a conversation and start making out with her. i have come to hate him and i cant stand to be around him. i have told jess all of this a ton of times but she claims she loves him. and her and i never get alone time. i just dont know what i should do because she likes him and knows i hate him and still no progress with anything is being made.(ex. trying to not forget im there) what should i do? ps sorry this is so long
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Let her know that there is a time for friends and a time for boyfriends. She's not being a very good friend and you need to let her know that, it's not only about her awful boyfriend, it's about her. Not only do you need to talk to her, you need to talk to him. You need to tell her, "I'm not okay with you blowing us off for your boyfriend especially when he treats you and us like crap. The least you could do is tell him to be nice and courteous and that when we're talking, let us have our alone time. I know you "love him", but I was there for you way before he was, and you should respect that." You need to tell him, "I'm glad that you and (put friend's name here) have found each other but just because you're her boyfriend doesn't mean she should forget about her friends and that is what you are munipulating her to do. We obviously have our differences, but considering how much we have to see each other when you're with my friend, we might as well be civil. I don't want you to come up and make out with her when we're having a conversation. Just lay off a bit." That's what you should say.
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There are two things going on here, so I'm going to address them separately:
Number one, your friend is going out with someone who is apparently not a real nice guy. You know she's gonna end up being hurt, and you're genuinely worried about her. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot you can do about this. You've already told her what you think of him, but she's still crazy about him. As they say, love is blind. If you keep saying bad things about him (even though they may be true), she's only gonna get defensive and angry with you. She may accuse you of being jealous or meddlesome, because she's not ready to see the truth. She's gonna have to find out on her own what a jerk he is. And when she does, she's going to need her friends' shoulders to cry on. So just realize that and be there for her.
Number two: you're feeling rejected by your friend because she's ditched you for a boyfriend. (You'd probably feel this even if he was a great guy). This happens all the time! It's hard to learn how to balance friends and a boyfriend. Try not to take it as a personal rejection. Your friend still loves you and needs you, she's just to preoccupied to realize that you're feeling left out. Just tell her that you miss spending "girl time" with her and try to plan some shopping trips, sleepovers, etc. that don't include him. But keep this separate from the other issue (that he's a jerk).
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